A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband.
Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE !
There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch . . .. you may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building! So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband...
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.
The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.
The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking. "Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework. "Oh, mercy me!"she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor.
There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!
You can send this to all men for a good laugh and to all the women who can handle the truth!
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Mail from THE OTHER SIDE
A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally typed a wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail Meanwhile....Somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned from her husband's funeral. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting condolence messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've reached
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here, and we are allowed to send e-mails to loved ones. I've just reached and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've reached
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here, and we are allowed to send e-mails to loved ones. I've just reached and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
How to get a refund ?
Sally went to a Wal-Mart service counter and tells the clerk she wants a refund for
the toaster she bought because it won't work.
The clerk tells her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on "special sale."
Suddenly, Sally throws her arms up in the air and starts screaming!
"PINCH MY NIPPLES! PINCH MY NIPPLES! PINCH MY NIPPLES!!"
A crowd is beginning to form. The manager is called.
He asks, "Ma'am what's wrong?" Sally explained the problem with the toaster,
and he repeats that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special.
Once again, Sally throws her arms up in the air and starts screaming,
"PINCH MY NIPPLES! PINCH MY NIPPLES! PINCH MY NIPPLES!"
And doing so draws an even bigger crowd.
In shock, the store manager pleads, "Ma'am, why are you saying that?
In a huff, Sally says,
"BECAUSE, I LIKE TO HAVE MY NIPPLES PINCHED WHEN I'M GETTING SCREWED!"
The crowd broke into applause and her money was quickly refunded.
PS note guys, it won't work for you so don't get any ideas
the toaster she bought because it won't work.
The clerk tells her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on "special sale."
Suddenly, Sally throws her arms up in the air and starts screaming!
"PINCH MY NIPPLES! PINCH MY NIPPLES! PINCH MY NIPPLES!!"
A crowd is beginning to form. The manager is called.
He asks, "Ma'am what's wrong?" Sally explained the problem with the toaster,
and he repeats that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special.
Once again, Sally throws her arms up in the air and starts screaming,
"PINCH MY NIPPLES! PINCH MY NIPPLES! PINCH MY NIPPLES!"
And doing so draws an even bigger crowd.
In shock, the store manager pleads, "Ma'am, why are you saying that?
In a huff, Sally says,
"BECAUSE, I LIKE TO HAVE MY NIPPLES PINCHED WHEN I'M GETTING SCREWED!"
The crowd broke into applause and her money was quickly refunded.
PS note guys, it won't work for you so don't get any ideas
Do you have a vagina?
A woman is at home when she hears someone knock at the door.
She goes to the door and opens the door to see a man standing there. He asks the lady "Do you have a vagina?". She slams the door in disgust.
The next morning she hears a knock at the door and it is the same man and he asks the same question of the woman "Do you have a vagina". She slams the door again.
Later that night when her husband gets home she tells him what has happened for the last two days. The husband tells the wife in a loving and concerned voice "Honey, I am taking tomorrow off to be home just in case this guy shows up again".
The next morning they hear a knock at the door and both run for the door. The husband whispers to his wife "Honey, I'm going to hide behind the door and listen and if it is the same guy I want you to answer yes to the question because I want to see where he is going with it".
She nods yes to her husband and opens the door. Sure enough the same fellow is standing there and asks the same question. "Do you have vagina?"
"Yes" she says.
The man replies "Good! Would you mind telling your husband to leave my wife's alone, and start using yours!".
She goes to the door and opens the door to see a man standing there. He asks the lady "Do you have a vagina?". She slams the door in disgust.
The next morning she hears a knock at the door and it is the same man and he asks the same question of the woman "Do you have a vagina". She slams the door again.
Later that night when her husband gets home she tells him what has happened for the last two days. The husband tells the wife in a loving and concerned voice "Honey, I am taking tomorrow off to be home just in case this guy shows up again".
The next morning they hear a knock at the door and both run for the door. The husband whispers to his wife "Honey, I'm going to hide behind the door and listen and if it is the same guy I want you to answer yes to the question because I want to see where he is going with it".
She nods yes to her husband and opens the door. Sure enough the same fellow is standing there and asks the same question. "Do you have vagina?"
"Yes" she says.
The man replies "Good! Would you mind telling your husband to leave my wife's alone, and start using yours!".
Sunday, August 3, 2008
Two Ladies Talking in Heaven
1st woman: Hi! My name is Wanda.
2nd woman: Hi! I'm Sylvia. How'd you die?
1st woman: I froze to death.
2nd woman: How horrible!
1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?
2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act.
But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.
1st woman: So, what happened?
2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking.
I ran up into the attic and searched,and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds.
I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.
1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we'd both still be alive.
PRICELESS!
2nd woman: Hi! I'm Sylvia. How'd you die?
1st woman: I froze to death.
2nd woman: How horrible!
1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?
2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act.
But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.
1st woman: So, what happened?
2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking.
I ran up into the attic and searched,and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds.
I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.
1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we'd both still be alive.
PRICELESS!
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Violent Bartender
A drunk walks into a bar and says,
"Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill."
So, the bartender does just that, and hands the man the bill.
The drunk says, "I haven't got it."
The bartender slaps the guy around a few times then throws him out into the street.
The very next day, the same drunk walks into the bar and once again says,
"Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill."
The bartender figures that he can't possibly be stupid enough to pull the same trick twice,
so he gives him the benefit of the doubt.
He pours a round of drinks for the house, has a drink himself, and hands the drunk the bill.
Again, the drunk says, "I haven't got it."
The bartender can't believe it.
He picks the guy up, beats the living daylights out of him, then throws him out into the street.
The next day, the same drunk walks back into the same bar and says,
"Bartender, buy every one in the house a drink and give me the bill."
In disgust, the bartender says,
"What, no drink for me this time?"
The drunk replies, "Nope! You get too violent when you drink."
"Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill."
So, the bartender does just that, and hands the man the bill.
The drunk says, "I haven't got it."
The bartender slaps the guy around a few times then throws him out into the street.
The very next day, the same drunk walks into the bar and once again says,
"Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill."
The bartender figures that he can't possibly be stupid enough to pull the same trick twice,
so he gives him the benefit of the doubt.
He pours a round of drinks for the house, has a drink himself, and hands the drunk the bill.
Again, the drunk says, "I haven't got it."
The bartender can't believe it.
He picks the guy up, beats the living daylights out of him, then throws him out into the street.
The next day, the same drunk walks back into the same bar and says,
"Bartender, buy every one in the house a drink and give me the bill."
In disgust, the bartender says,
"What, no drink for me this time?"
The drunk replies, "Nope! You get too violent when you drink."
The "Osama" Genie
The Genie
While trying to escape through Pakistan , Osama Bin Laden found a bottle on the sand &picked it up.
Suddenly, a female Genie rose from the bottle and with a smile said, 'Master, may I grant you one wish?'
Osama responded, 'You ignorant, unworthy Daughter-of-a-dog! Don't you know who I am? I don't need any common woman giving me anything.'
The shocked Genie said, 'Please, I must grant you a wish or I will be returned to that bottle forever.'
Osama thought a moment, then grumbled about the impertinence of the woman and said, 'Very well, I want to awaken with three American women in my bed in the morning. So just do it and be off with you.'
The annoyed Genie said, 'So be it!' and disappeared.
The next morning Bin Laden woke up in bed with Lorena Bobbitt, Tonya Harding, and Hillary Clinton at his side. His penis was gone, his knees were broken, and he had no health insurance.
God is Good
While trying to escape through Pakistan , Osama Bin Laden found a bottle on the sand &picked it up.
Suddenly, a female Genie rose from the bottle and with a smile said, 'Master, may I grant you one wish?'
Osama responded, 'You ignorant, unworthy Daughter-of-a-dog! Don't you know who I am? I don't need any common woman giving me anything.'
The shocked Genie said, 'Please, I must grant you a wish or I will be returned to that bottle forever.'
Osama thought a moment, then grumbled about the impertinence of the woman and said, 'Very well, I want to awaken with three American women in my bed in the morning. So just do it and be off with you.'
The annoyed Genie said, 'So be it!' and disappeared.
The next morning Bin Laden woke up in bed with Lorena Bobbitt, Tonya Harding, and Hillary Clinton at his side. His penis was gone, his knees were broken, and he had no health insurance.
God is Good
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