There was this man that had been married for 10 years and was unable to provide his wife with an orgasm. He went to the doctor and explained the situation to him. The doctor prescribed a book on love making. So off he went to buy this book and try it out that night. The next day he went back to the doctor and said Look Doc, we read the book and tried all night, but still nothing.
The doctor then said I've heard about this secret method that is supposed to be a certainty.
You need to get a masseur to gently wave a towel over your wife as you're doing it.
The man thought that was a bit strange but he said he would give it a go.
He hired this big swedish masseur for the night.
As they were going for it the masseur waved the towel gently over her but nothing was happening. He hired the masseur for another night but this time he swapped places with the masseur. As his wife and the masseur were going for it, he gently waved the towel over his wife and she exploded with multiple orgasms.He leaned over to the masseur and said "Now thats how you wave the f...ing towel.
--
LMAO and falls off the chair... couldn't stop laughing !
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Boardroom Bingo
Do you keep falling asleep in business meetings and seminars?
And what about those long and boring conference calls?
There is now a way to change all of that.
It's called Bullshit(Boardroom) Bingo.
Here's how it works:
1. Before (or during) your next meeting, seminar, or conference call, prepare your Bullshit Bingo card by drawing a square – 5 inches x 5 inches is a good size - and dividing it into columns and rows - five across and five down. This will give you 25 x one inch blocks.
2. Write one of the following words/phrases in EACH block, in any sequence you like:
synergy, strategic fit, core competencies, best practice, bottom line, revisit, take that offline, 24/7, out of the loop, benchmark, value added, proactive, win/win, think outside the box, fast track, result-driven, empower (or empowerment), knowledge base, at the end of the day, touch base, mindset, client focus(ed), ballpark, game plan, leverage, and paradigm.
3. Cross out the appropriate block when you hear one of those words/phrases.
4. When you get five blocks in a row, horizontally, vertically, or diagonally, stand up and shout BULLSHIT!
--
roflmao !
And what about those long and boring conference calls?
There is now a way to change all of that.
It's called Bullshit(Boardroom) Bingo.
Here's how it works:
1. Before (or during) your next meeting, seminar, or conference call, prepare your Bullshit Bingo card by drawing a square – 5 inches x 5 inches is a good size - and dividing it into columns and rows - five across and five down. This will give you 25 x one inch blocks.
2. Write one of the following words/phrases in EACH block, in any sequence you like:
synergy, strategic fit, core competencies, best practice, bottom line, revisit, take that offline, 24/7, out of the loop, benchmark, value added, proactive, win/win, think outside the box, fast track, result-driven, empower (or empowerment), knowledge base, at the end of the day, touch base, mindset, client focus(ed), ballpark, game plan, leverage, and paradigm.
3. Cross out the appropriate block when you hear one of those words/phrases.
4. When you get five blocks in a row, horizontally, vertically, or diagonally, stand up and shout BULLSHIT!
--
roflmao !
Who said English is easy?
Fill in the following blank with "Yes" or "No"
a) ______ , I don't have a BRAIN .
Who said English is easy ?
a) ______ , I don't have a BRAIN .
Who said English is easy ?
Garage door (a.k.a "The Fly")
The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was down and his fly area wide open. His assistant walked up to him and said, 'This morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?' The boss told her he knew he'd closed the garage door, and walked into his office puzzled by the question.
As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his fly was open, and zipped it up. He then understood his assistant's question about his 'garage door.'
He headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her desk to ask, 'When my garage door was open, did you see my Hummer parked in there?'
She smiled and said, 'No, I didn't. All I saw was an old mini van with two flat tires.'
As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his fly was open, and zipped it up. He then understood his assistant's question about his 'garage door.'
He headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her desk to ask, 'When my garage door was open, did you see my Hummer parked in there?'
She smiled and said, 'No, I didn't. All I saw was an old mini van with two flat tires.'
Some funny ones...
Failure is not when ur girlfriend leaves you... It's only when u leave her a virgin.
Tension is when wife is pregnant!
Terror: When girlfriend is pregnant!
Horror: When both r pregnant!
Tragedy: When U r Not responsible 4 both!
The Blue Whale ejaculates over 40 gallons of sperm when mating. Only 10% enters the female.........And you always wondered why the sea tasted salty?!
Why is it that a girl looks down when u say I love u?
To see if u really mean it!
Why is sex similar to shaving?
Well, because no matter how well u do it today, tomorrow u have to do it again.
Wives are funny creatures. They don't have sex with their husbands for weeks and then they want to kill the woman who does.
--
With this post, this blog has been updated to 18+ only, since there's quite some adult content involved in the jokes ... its been pending for some time now !
Tension is when wife is pregnant!
Terror: When girlfriend is pregnant!
Horror: When both r pregnant!
Tragedy: When U r Not responsible 4 both!
The Blue Whale ejaculates over 40 gallons of sperm when mating. Only 10% enters the female.........And you always wondered why the sea tasted salty?!
Why is it that a girl looks down when u say I love u?
To see if u really mean it!
Why is sex similar to shaving?
Well, because no matter how well u do it today, tomorrow u have to do it again.
Wives are funny creatures. They don't have sex with their husbands for weeks and then they want to kill the woman who does.
--
With this post, this blog has been updated to 18+ only, since there's quite some adult content involved in the jokes ... its been pending for some time now !
Friendly Beer
A guy, sitting outside his home about to be evicted from his house, was contemplating how the future would be after he had divorced his wife, lost his children and lost his job.
He notices a crate of beer bottles and walks up to it.
He takes out an empty bottle, smashing it into the concrete wall swearing,
"You are the reason I don't have a wife",
second bottle, "You are the reason I don't have my children",
third bottle "You are the reason I lost my job".
He notices the fourth bottle is sealed and still full of beer. He
takes the bottle, puts it aside and says,
"Stand aside my dear friend; I know you were not involved"
He notices a crate of beer bottles and walks up to it.
He takes out an empty bottle, smashing it into the concrete wall swearing,
"You are the reason I don't have a wife",
second bottle, "You are the reason I don't have my children",
third bottle "You are the reason I lost my job".
He notices the fourth bottle is sealed and still full of beer. He
takes the bottle, puts it aside and says,
"Stand aside my dear friend; I know you were not involved"
A perfect scam
The Police have been unable to recommend a prosecution for the following scam:
A company takes out a newspaper advertisement claiming to be able to supply imported hard core pornographic videos. As their prices seem reasonable, People place orders and make payments via check.
After several weeks, the company writes back explaining that under the present law they are unable to supply the materials and do not wish to be prosecuted. So they return their customers' money in the form of a company check.
However, due to the name of the company, few People will not present these checks to their banks.
The name of the company: "The Anal Sex and Fetish Perversion Company"
--
LMAO! ... Werd.
A company takes out a newspaper advertisement claiming to be able to supply imported hard core pornographic videos. As their prices seem reasonable, People place orders and make payments via check.
After several weeks, the company writes back explaining that under the present law they are unable to supply the materials and do not wish to be prosecuted. So they return their customers' money in the form of a company check.
However, due to the name of the company, few People will not present these checks to their banks.
The name of the company: "The Anal Sex and Fetish Perversion Company"
--
LMAO! ... Werd.
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