Naughty little poem (not mine)

She whispered "will it hurt me?"
"Of course not" answered he
"It's a very simple process,
You can rely on me."

She said "I'm very frightened,
I've not had this before.
My friend has had it five times
And said it can be sore."

It was growing rather painful
Tears formed in her eyes
It was hurting quite a bit now
It must have been a size.

"Calm yourself" he whispered
"His face filled with a grin
"Try and open wider
So I can get it in."

"It's coming now" he whispered
"I know" she cried in bliss
Feeling it deep within her now
She said "I am glad I'm having this."

And with a final effort
She gave a frightened shout
He gripped it in anguish
And quickly pulled it out.

She lay back quite contended
Sighed and gave a smile
She said "I'm glad I came now
You made it worth my while."

Now if you read this carefully
The dentist you will find
Is not what you imagined
It's just your dirty mind!!

--
Thank God, I am a good guy, and my mind just imagined the dentist at work ! :D

If any of you doubted me to be the genius behind this work, no !
The poem is a very old one, and it was translated from Danish.

Because, it rhymes better in English :))

House of Prostitution

A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye....It reads:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS

HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION

10 MILES

He thinks this is a figment of his imagination and drives on without second thought....

Soon he sees another sign which reads:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS

HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION

5 MILES

Suddenly he begins to realize that these signs are for real and drives past a third sign saying:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS

HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION

NEXT RIGHT

His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive.

On the far side of the parking lot is a stone building with a small sign next to the door reading:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS

He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks, "What may we do for you my son?"

He answers, "I saw your signs along the highway and was interested in possibly doing business...."

"Very well my son. Please follow me."

He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented.

The nun stops at a closed door and tells the man, "Please knock on this door."

He does so and another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup answers the door...

This nun instructs, "Please place $100 in the cup then go through the large wooden door at the end of the hallway."

He puts $100 in the cup, eagerly trots down the hall and slips through the door pulling it shut behind him.

The door locks, and he finds himself back in the parking lot facing another sign:

GO IN PEACE.

YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED BY THE SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS.

SERVES YOU RIGHT, YOU SINNER

--
ROTFL

Times of India - Funny Commercial

You can use VLC player in Windows, or Linux to play the file (if your browser fails to render it)

Cheers,
Kish

The doctor's assistant

A doctor in Dublin wanted to get off work and go fishing, so he approached his assistant

"Murphy, I am going fishing tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all me patients".
"Yes, sir!" answers Murphy.
The doctor goes fishing and returns the following day and asks: "So,Murphy, how was your day?"
Murphy told him that he took care of three patients. "The first one had a headache so he did, so I gave him Paracetamol."
"Bravo Murphy lad, and the second one?" asks the doctor.
"The second one had indigestion and I gave him Gaviscon, so I did sir" says Murphy.
"Bravo, bravo! You're good at this and what about the third one?" asks the doctor.
"Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door flies open and a young gorgeous woman bursts in so she does. Like a bolt outta the blue, she tears off her clothes, taking off everyting including her bra and her panties and lies down on the table, spreading her legs and shouts: 'HELP ME for the love of St Patrick! For five years I have not seen any man!'"
"Tunderin' lard Jesus Murphy, what did you do?" asks the doctor.

"I put drops in her eyes".

--
rofl :D

No sex since 1955

A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local
liberal arts college.
There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom
approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.

"Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man.
Is something bothering you?"

"Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature."

The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It
looks like you have seen a lot of action."

"Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation said, "You know, you
should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself."

The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.

Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this
the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?"

"1955, ma'am."

"Well, there you are. No wonder you're so serious. You really need to
chill out! I mean, no sex since 1955! She took his hand and led him to a private
room where she proceeded to "relax" him several times.

Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and
said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955."

The Sergeant Major said in his serious voice, after glancing at his
watch, "I hope not; it's only 2130 now."

--
Aww haww haww ... poor girl, she miss-under-stood our wise sergeant... :))