Farmer and the cock

A farmer buys a young cock.As soon as it comes home,it fucks all the 150 hens. The farmer is impressed. At lunch,it again screws all 150 hens. Farmer gets tense. Next day,he finds cock fucking ducks,goose & donkey also. Later,farmer finds the cock pale & half-dead, vultures circling over it's head. Farmer says,"u deserved it, horny bastard. The cock opens 1 eye & says "Ssshh!" "Don't shout; let them land"

You asked for it

They were married, but since the argument they had a few days earlier, they hadn't been talking to each other. Instead they were giving each other written notes.

One evening he gave her a paper where it said: "Wake me up tomorrow morning at 6 am."

The next morning he woke up and saw that it was 9 o'clock.

Naturally he got very angry, but as he turned around he found a note on his pillow saying: "Wake up, it's 6 o'clock !!!"

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Yeah, I know the feeling... I know better than that, hahaha !

Politics explained

How do you tell the difference between a liberal and a conservative?

Easy. Watch a man drowning fifty feet offshore.

The conservative will throw out 25 feet of rope and shout "swim for it!"

The liberal will toss out 50 feet of rope, drop his own end, and go off to do another good deed.

Why jesus was born in a stable?

A classic joke ;)

Time: 1940

Place: New York a.k.a the Big Apple

There were these two elderly Jewish gentlemen visiting the Big Apple when they decided it was getting late and they needed to find a room for the night. As they passed one hotel, one man says to the other, "Why don't we try this one?" The other says, "Are you crazy? It says on the sign that this is a restricted hotel. You know what that means? It means they don't let Jews in!" To which the first man replies, "Restricted, reschmicted. Let's go in and have a little fun. Just let me do all the talking."

So the two men enter and approach the desk clerk.

Man: (in thick Yiddish accent) We want a room!

Clerk: (Flustered. With a "Connecticut clench") I'm sorry, but this is a RESTRICTED hotel. We do NOT allow Jewish people to stay here.

Man: What makes you think I'm Jewish? I'm just as Christian as you are! Come on, ask me a Christion question!

The clerk decides to amuse him.

Clerk: OK. OK. Where was Jesus born?

Man: Such a question! Everybody knows that Jesus was born in a stable. Come on, ask me another Christian question!

Clerk: (Impatient) Look. I know you are Jewish and you are not staying here!

Man: Come on, ask me a question. Ask me, "What for was Jesus born in a stable!"

Clerk: (visibly angry) All right! Why was Jesus born in a stable!?

Man: Because a schmuck like you wouldn't give his mother a room either!

Asshole is always in charge

All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide
who was the one in charge.

"I should be in charge, "said the brain, "because I run all the body's
systems, so without me nothing would happen".

I should be in charge" said the blood, "because I circulate oxygen all
over, so without me you'd all waste away."

"I should be in charge, " said the stomach," because I process food and
give all of you energy."

"I should be in charge" said the legs, "because I carry the body wherever
it needs to go."

"I should be in charge" said the eyes, "because I allow the body to see
where it goes."

"I should be in charge, "said the rectum, "Because I'm responsible for
waste removal."

All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in
a huff, he shut down tight.

Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was
bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery and the blood was toxic.

They all decided that the rectum should be the boss.

The Moral of the story?

The asshole is usually in charge.

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Resting on my ass, what else can I say...