A biker is riding a new motorcycle on the highway. While passing a car, he knocks on the window. The driver of the car opens the window, "Yes?"
"Ever driven a Honda motorcycle?"
"No I haven't"
The biker drives on, until he sees the next car. While passing it, he knocks on the window. The driver of the car opens the window: "Yes?"
"Ever driven a Honda motorcycle?"
"No I haven't"
Then suddenly there is a curve, the biker sees it too late. He crashes off the road into a ditch. A car stops and a man runs to the unlucky biker. Covered in blood, the biker asks, "Ever driven a Honda motorcycle?"
"Yes I have. I had a Honda for 20 years."
The biker says, "Tell me, where are the brakes?"
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Fundamental logic in CREATION of humans
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you
can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
"The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made
me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me
stupid! so I would be attracted to you!
Cheers :)
Kish
can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
"The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made
me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me
stupid! so I would be attracted to you!
Cheers :)
Kish
Would I lie ?
Late one Friday night a policeman spotted a man driving very erratically through the streets of Dublin. He pulled the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that evening.
"Aye, so I have. 'Tis Friday, you know, so me and the lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven pints. And then there was something called "Happy Hour" and they served these mar-gar-itos which are quite good. I had four or five o' those. Then I had to drive me friend Mike home and O' course I had to go in for a couple of Guiness - couldn't be rude, ye know. Then I stopped on the way home to get another bottle for later ..." And the man fumbled around in his coat until he located his bottle of whiskey, which he held up for inspection.
The officer sighed, and said, "Sir, I'm afraid I'll need you to step out of the car and take a breathalyzer test."
Indignantly, the man said, "Why? Don't ye believe me?!?"
"Aye, so I have. 'Tis Friday, you know, so me and the lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven pints. And then there was something called "Happy Hour" and they served these mar-gar-itos which are quite good. I had four or five o' those. Then I had to drive me friend Mike home and O' course I had to go in for a couple of Guiness - couldn't be rude, ye know. Then I stopped on the way home to get another bottle for later ..." And the man fumbled around in his coat until he located his bottle of whiskey, which he held up for inspection.
The officer sighed, and said, "Sir, I'm afraid I'll need you to step out of the car and take a breathalyzer test."
Indignantly, the man said, "Why? Don't ye believe me?!?"
WEDDING CEREMONY
Everyone in the wedding ceremony was watching the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle to give away to the groom.
They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed some thing in his hand.
Everyone in the room was wondering what was given to the father by the bride.
The father could feel the suspense in the air and all eyes were on him to divulge the secret and say something.
So he announced 'Ladies and Gentlemen today is the luckiest day of my life.'
Then he raised his hands with what his daughter gave him and continued, 'My daughter finally, finally returned my credit card to me.'
The whole audience including priest started laughing....
But not the poor groom!
They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed some thing in his hand.
Everyone in the room was wondering what was given to the father by the bride.
The father could feel the suspense in the air and all eyes were on him to divulge the secret and say something.
So he announced 'Ladies and Gentlemen today is the luckiest day of my life.'
Then he raised his hands with what his daughter gave him and continued, 'My daughter finally, finally returned my credit card to me.'
The whole audience including priest started laughing....
But not the poor groom!
Computer wife
Dear Wife,
I'm sending you this email, to bring you up to date on the events of our family!
I tried to talk to you, While you were on your computer, But you just kept telling me that, You would BRB...?? Whatever that means! So, I decided to send you this email.
John Jr. cut his first tooth today. He's the one you bounce on your knee while typing. Remember how he giggles when... He hears the "UT OH" sound?
Sorry about him dropping his Peanut butter sandwich on your keyboard. Is it working ok since I cleaned it up for you? Can you read the letters I tried to paint back on your keyboard? Most of the letters had been rubbed off!
Susie had her first date Saturday night. She had a good time and said to thank you for letting them use your car. She put the keys back on the key rack, underneath the cobwebs, where she found them!
Do you realize that she wears the same size clothes as you do? In case you've forgotten her, she's the one who has you raise your feet when she's running the sweeper.
Tim is playing football. He looks forward to going to school Now that he has a sport to play. He wanted to know if you would come to one of his games... if... we bought you a laptop to bring along?
Do you remember him? He's the one who... empties your Port-a-Potty for you!
Let's see... since the last time I wrote you... ( 3 months ago ), the refrigerator had to be replaced, The dog died from old age, your mother and dad painted the room, where your computer is... hope you like the color! The church has a new pastor, the president has been impeached, and oh yes... and I have a new job!
Well, I think that's about it. I'll email you again in about 3 months. You take care of yourself, honey. We all miss you very much, and look forward to seeing you again... next time... the power goes off! :-))
Love,
Your Husband
I'm sending you this email, to bring you up to date on the events of our family!
I tried to talk to you, While you were on your computer, But you just kept telling me that, You would BRB...?? Whatever that means! So, I decided to send you this email.
John Jr. cut his first tooth today. He's the one you bounce on your knee while typing. Remember how he giggles when... He hears the "UT OH" sound?
Sorry about him dropping his Peanut butter sandwich on your keyboard. Is it working ok since I cleaned it up for you? Can you read the letters I tried to paint back on your keyboard? Most of the letters had been rubbed off!
Susie had her first date Saturday night. She had a good time and said to thank you for letting them use your car. She put the keys back on the key rack, underneath the cobwebs, where she found them!
Do you realize that she wears the same size clothes as you do? In case you've forgotten her, she's the one who has you raise your feet when she's running the sweeper.
Tim is playing football. He looks forward to going to school Now that he has a sport to play. He wanted to know if you would come to one of his games... if... we bought you a laptop to bring along?
Do you remember him? He's the one who... empties your Port-a-Potty for you!
Let's see... since the last time I wrote you... ( 3 months ago ), the refrigerator had to be replaced, The dog died from old age, your mother and dad painted the room, where your computer is... hope you like the color! The church has a new pastor, the president has been impeached, and oh yes... and I have a new job!
Well, I think that's about it. I'll email you again in about 3 months. You take care of yourself, honey. We all miss you very much, and look forward to seeing you again... next time... the power goes off! :-))
Love,
Your Husband
Irish prostitute
An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years.
Upon her return, her father cussed her. "Where have ye been all this time?
Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum thru?
The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff....dad....I became a prostitute...."
"Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this family."
"OK, dad-- as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a $5 million savings certificate. For me little brother, this gold Rolex and for ye daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a membership to the country club....(takes a breath)....and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera and ... ."
"Now what was it ye said ye had become?" says dad.
Girl, crying again, "Sniff, sniff....a prostitute dad! Sniff, sniff."
"Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant'. Come here and give yer old man a hug!"
Upon her return, her father cussed her. "Where have ye been all this time?
Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum thru?
The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff....dad....I became a prostitute...."
"Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this family."
"OK, dad-- as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a $5 million savings certificate. For me little brother, this gold Rolex and for ye daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a membership to the country club....(takes a breath)....and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera and ... ."
"Now what was it ye said ye had become?" says dad.
Girl, crying again, "Sniff, sniff....a prostitute dad! Sniff, sniff."
"Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant'. Come here and give yer old man a hug!"
What would you do
Andy wants a job as a signalman on the railways. He is told to meet the inspector at the signal box. The inspector puts this question to him: "What would you do if you realised that two trains were heading for each other on the same track?"
Andy says, "I would switch the points for one of the trains."
"What if the lever broke?" asked the inspector.
"Then I'd dash down out of the signal box," said Andy, "and I'd use the manual lever over there."
"What if that had been struck by lightning?"
"Then," Andy continues, "I'd run back into the signal box and phone the next signal box."
"What if the phone was engaged?"
"Well in that case," persevered Andy, "I'd rush down out of the box and use the public emergency phone at the level crossing up there."
"What if that was vandalised?"
"Oh well then I'd run into the village and get my uncle Silas."
This puzzles the inspector, so he asks, "Why would you do that?"
Came the answer, "Because he's never seen a train crash."
Andy says, "I would switch the points for one of the trains."
"What if the lever broke?" asked the inspector.
"Then I'd dash down out of the signal box," said Andy, "and I'd use the manual lever over there."
"What if that had been struck by lightning?"
"Then," Andy continues, "I'd run back into the signal box and phone the next signal box."
"What if the phone was engaged?"
"Well in that case," persevered Andy, "I'd rush down out of the box and use the public emergency phone at the level crossing up there."
"What if that was vandalised?"
"Oh well then I'd run into the village and get my uncle Silas."
This puzzles the inspector, so he asks, "Why would you do that?"
Came the answer, "Because he's never seen a train crash."
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