George Phillips , an elderly man, from Meridian, Mississippi, was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window.
George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.
He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?"
He said "No," but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me.
Then the police dispatcher said "All patrols are busy. You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available."
George said, "Okay."
He hung up the phone and counted to 30.
Then he phoned the police again.
"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot them." and he hung up.
Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic, and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence, and caught the burglars red-handed.
One of the Policemen said to George, "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"
George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"
-- -- --
The stuff that's given above is a true story... and it tells you why you shouldn't mess with wise and old people ;))
The same can be done in our city too, just for laughs !
Friday, April 24, 2009
ITALIAN SECRET TO A LONG MARRIAGE
At Saint Rocco's Catholic Church they have a weekly husband's marriage seminar. At the session last week, the Priest asked Luigi, who was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes & share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years.
Luigi replied to the assembled husbands, "Wella, I've a-tried to treat-a her nicea, spenda da money on her, but best of alla is that I tooka her to Italy for the 25th anniversary!"
The Priest responded, "Luigi, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife on your 50th anniversary."
Luigi proudly replied, "I'm agonna go get her!"
Luigi replied to the assembled husbands, "Wella, I've a-tried to treat-a her nicea, spenda da money on her, but best of alla is that I tooka her to Italy for the 25th anniversary!"
The Priest responded, "Luigi, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife on your 50th anniversary."
Luigi proudly replied, "I'm agonna go get her!"
Newly Married Blonde
On their honeymoon, the blonde bride slipped into a sexy nightie and, with great anticipation, crawled into bed, only to find her new husband, a Catholic, had settled down on the couch.
When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her,
he replied, 'It's Lent".
In tears, she sobbed, "Well, that is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard!
Who did you lend it to, and for how long?"
When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her,
he replied, 'It's Lent".
In tears, she sobbed, "Well, that is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard!
Who did you lend it to, and for how long?"
A Shaken President
The Department Of Defense briefed the President this morning. They told President Obama that 2 Brazilian soldiers were killed in Iraq.
To everyone's surprise, all the color drained from Obama's face. Then he collapsed onto his desk, head in his hands, visibly shaken, almost in tears.
Finally, he composed himself and asked, "Just how many is a brazilian?"
This is not surprising, since he obviously has no understanding of billion or trillion either.
To everyone's surprise, all the color drained from Obama's face. Then he collapsed onto his desk, head in his hands, visibly shaken, almost in tears.
Finally, he composed himself and asked, "Just how many is a brazilian?"
This is not surprising, since he obviously has no understanding of billion or trillion either.
Baptizing A Drunk
A man is stumbling through the woods totally drunk when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river. The drunk walks into the water and bumps into the preacher. The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of booze. Whereupon he asks the drunk, 'Are you ready to find Jesus?'
'Yes I am' replies the drunk, so the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the river. He pulls him up and asks the drunk, 'Brother have you found Jesus?'
The drunk replies, 'No, I haven't.' The preacher, shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again, but for a bit longer this time. He pulls him out of the water and asks again, 'Have you found Jesus, my brother?'
The drunk again answers, 'No, I have not found Jesus.'
By this time the preacher is at his wits end so he dunks the drunk in the water again, but this time he holds him down for about 30 seconds.
When the drunk begins kicking his arms and legs, the preacher pulls him up. The preacher asks the drunk again, 'For the love of God, have you found Jesus?'
The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the preacher,
'Are you sure this is where he fell in?
'Yes I am' replies the drunk, so the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the river. He pulls him up and asks the drunk, 'Brother have you found Jesus?'
The drunk replies, 'No, I haven't.' The preacher, shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again, but for a bit longer this time. He pulls him out of the water and asks again, 'Have you found Jesus, my brother?'
The drunk again answers, 'No, I have not found Jesus.'
By this time the preacher is at his wits end so he dunks the drunk in the water again, but this time he holds him down for about 30 seconds.
When the drunk begins kicking his arms and legs, the preacher pulls him up. The preacher asks the drunk again, 'For the love of God, have you found Jesus?'
The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the preacher,
'Are you sure this is where he fell in?
Test tickle?!
A very modest lady applied for a job at the factory where they made "Tickle me Elmo dolls".
It was Friday and almost quitting time and hurriedly the boss told her to report for work on Monday. He quickly explained to her that she would be stationed on the assembly line just before the dolls were packed into boxes.
On Monday they started up the line and within twenty minutes had to shut it down because one worker couldn't keep up. The boss went down the line to find the problem. The new employee was very busy trying to do her part but she had a bunch of dolls waiting for her.
Closer examination showed that she was sewing little cloth bags containing two walnuts in the appropriate place on the dolls. The boss could not control his laughter and said, "Lady, I said to give each doll Two----Test----Tickles."
It was Friday and almost quitting time and hurriedly the boss told her to report for work on Monday. He quickly explained to her that she would be stationed on the assembly line just before the dolls were packed into boxes.
On Monday they started up the line and within twenty minutes had to shut it down because one worker couldn't keep up. The boss went down the line to find the problem. The new employee was very busy trying to do her part but she had a bunch of dolls waiting for her.
Closer examination showed that she was sewing little cloth bags containing two walnuts in the appropriate place on the dolls. The boss could not control his laughter and said, "Lady, I said to give each doll Two----Test----Tickles."
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