Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets.
"We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at the counter.
"You don't?" I replied.
"We only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply.
"So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?"
"That's right." So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Ever driven a HONDA ??
A biker is riding a new motorcycle on the highway. While passing a car, he knocks on the window. The driver of the car opens the window, "Yes?"
"Ever driven a Honda motorcycle?"
"No I haven't"
The biker drives on, until he sees the next car. While passing it, he knocks on the window. The driver of the car opens the window: "Yes?"
"Ever driven a Honda motorcycle?"
"No I haven't"
Then suddenly there is a curve, the biker sees it too late. He crashes off the road into a ditch. A car stops and a man runs to the unlucky biker. Covered in blood, the biker asks, "Ever driven a Honda motorcycle?"
"Yes I have. I had a Honda for 20 years."
The biker says, "Tell me, where are the brakes?"
"Ever driven a Honda motorcycle?"
"No I haven't"
The biker drives on, until he sees the next car. While passing it, he knocks on the window. The driver of the car opens the window: "Yes?"
"Ever driven a Honda motorcycle?"
"No I haven't"
Then suddenly there is a curve, the biker sees it too late. He crashes off the road into a ditch. A car stops and a man runs to the unlucky biker. Covered in blood, the biker asks, "Ever driven a Honda motorcycle?"
"Yes I have. I had a Honda for 20 years."
The biker says, "Tell me, where are the brakes?"
Fundamental logic in CREATION of humans
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you
can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
"The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made
me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me
stupid! so I would be attracted to you!
Cheers :)
Kish
can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
"The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made
me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me
stupid! so I would be attracted to you!
Cheers :)
Kish
Would I lie ?
Late one Friday night a policeman spotted a man driving very erratically through the streets of Dublin. He pulled the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that evening.
"Aye, so I have. 'Tis Friday, you know, so me and the lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven pints. And then there was something called "Happy Hour" and they served these mar-gar-itos which are quite good. I had four or five o' those. Then I had to drive me friend Mike home and O' course I had to go in for a couple of Guiness - couldn't be rude, ye know. Then I stopped on the way home to get another bottle for later ..." And the man fumbled around in his coat until he located his bottle of whiskey, which he held up for inspection.
The officer sighed, and said, "Sir, I'm afraid I'll need you to step out of the car and take a breathalyzer test."
Indignantly, the man said, "Why? Don't ye believe me?!?"
"Aye, so I have. 'Tis Friday, you know, so me and the lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven pints. And then there was something called "Happy Hour" and they served these mar-gar-itos which are quite good. I had four or five o' those. Then I had to drive me friend Mike home and O' course I had to go in for a couple of Guiness - couldn't be rude, ye know. Then I stopped on the way home to get another bottle for later ..." And the man fumbled around in his coat until he located his bottle of whiskey, which he held up for inspection.
The officer sighed, and said, "Sir, I'm afraid I'll need you to step out of the car and take a breathalyzer test."
Indignantly, the man said, "Why? Don't ye believe me?!?"
WEDDING CEREMONY
Everyone in the wedding ceremony was watching the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle to give away to the groom.
They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed some thing in his hand.
Everyone in the room was wondering what was given to the father by the bride.
The father could feel the suspense in the air and all eyes were on him to divulge the secret and say something.
So he announced 'Ladies and Gentlemen today is the luckiest day of my life.'
Then he raised his hands with what his daughter gave him and continued, 'My daughter finally, finally returned my credit card to me.'
The whole audience including priest started laughing....
But not the poor groom!
They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed some thing in his hand.
Everyone in the room was wondering what was given to the father by the bride.
The father could feel the suspense in the air and all eyes were on him to divulge the secret and say something.
So he announced 'Ladies and Gentlemen today is the luckiest day of my life.'
Then he raised his hands with what his daughter gave him and continued, 'My daughter finally, finally returned my credit card to me.'
The whole audience including priest started laughing....
But not the poor groom!
Computer wife
Dear Wife,
I'm sending you this email, to bring you up to date on the events of our family!
I tried to talk to you, While you were on your computer, But you just kept telling me that, You would BRB...?? Whatever that means! So, I decided to send you this email.
John Jr. cut his first tooth today. He's the one you bounce on your knee while typing. Remember how he giggles when... He hears the "UT OH" sound?
Sorry about him dropping his Peanut butter sandwich on your keyboard. Is it working ok since I cleaned it up for you? Can you read the letters I tried to paint back on your keyboard? Most of the letters had been rubbed off!
Susie had her first date Saturday night. She had a good time and said to thank you for letting them use your car. She put the keys back on the key rack, underneath the cobwebs, where she found them!
Do you realize that she wears the same size clothes as you do? In case you've forgotten her, she's the one who has you raise your feet when she's running the sweeper.
Tim is playing football. He looks forward to going to school Now that he has a sport to play. He wanted to know if you would come to one of his games... if... we bought you a laptop to bring along?
Do you remember him? He's the one who... empties your Port-a-Potty for you!
Let's see... since the last time I wrote you... ( 3 months ago ), the refrigerator had to be replaced, The dog died from old age, your mother and dad painted the room, where your computer is... hope you like the color! The church has a new pastor, the president has been impeached, and oh yes... and I have a new job!
Well, I think that's about it. I'll email you again in about 3 months. You take care of yourself, honey. We all miss you very much, and look forward to seeing you again... next time... the power goes off! :-))
Love,
Your Husband
I'm sending you this email, to bring you up to date on the events of our family!
I tried to talk to you, While you were on your computer, But you just kept telling me that, You would BRB...?? Whatever that means! So, I decided to send you this email.
John Jr. cut his first tooth today. He's the one you bounce on your knee while typing. Remember how he giggles when... He hears the "UT OH" sound?
Sorry about him dropping his Peanut butter sandwich on your keyboard. Is it working ok since I cleaned it up for you? Can you read the letters I tried to paint back on your keyboard? Most of the letters had been rubbed off!
Susie had her first date Saturday night. She had a good time and said to thank you for letting them use your car. She put the keys back on the key rack, underneath the cobwebs, where she found them!
Do you realize that she wears the same size clothes as you do? In case you've forgotten her, she's the one who has you raise your feet when she's running the sweeper.
Tim is playing football. He looks forward to going to school Now that he has a sport to play. He wanted to know if you would come to one of his games... if... we bought you a laptop to bring along?
Do you remember him? He's the one who... empties your Port-a-Potty for you!
Let's see... since the last time I wrote you... ( 3 months ago ), the refrigerator had to be replaced, The dog died from old age, your mother and dad painted the room, where your computer is... hope you like the color! The church has a new pastor, the president has been impeached, and oh yes... and I have a new job!
Well, I think that's about it. I'll email you again in about 3 months. You take care of yourself, honey. We all miss you very much, and look forward to seeing you again... next time... the power goes off! :-))
Love,
Your Husband
Irish prostitute
An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years.
Upon her return, her father cussed her. "Where have ye been all this time?
Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum thru?
The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff....dad....I became a prostitute...."
"Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this family."
"OK, dad-- as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a $5 million savings certificate. For me little brother, this gold Rolex and for ye daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a membership to the country club....(takes a breath)....and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera and ... ."
"Now what was it ye said ye had become?" says dad.
Girl, crying again, "Sniff, sniff....a prostitute dad! Sniff, sniff."
"Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant'. Come here and give yer old man a hug!"
Upon her return, her father cussed her. "Where have ye been all this time?
Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum thru?
The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff....dad....I became a prostitute...."
"Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this family."
"OK, dad-- as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a $5 million savings certificate. For me little brother, this gold Rolex and for ye daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a membership to the country club....(takes a breath)....and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera and ... ."
"Now what was it ye said ye had become?" says dad.
Girl, crying again, "Sniff, sniff....a prostitute dad! Sniff, sniff."
"Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant'. Come here and give yer old man a hug!"
What would you do
Andy wants a job as a signalman on the railways. He is told to meet the inspector at the signal box. The inspector puts this question to him: "What would you do if you realised that two trains were heading for each other on the same track?"
Andy says, "I would switch the points for one of the trains."
"What if the lever broke?" asked the inspector.
"Then I'd dash down out of the signal box," said Andy, "and I'd use the manual lever over there."
"What if that had been struck by lightning?"
"Then," Andy continues, "I'd run back into the signal box and phone the next signal box."
"What if the phone was engaged?"
"Well in that case," persevered Andy, "I'd rush down out of the box and use the public emergency phone at the level crossing up there."
"What if that was vandalised?"
"Oh well then I'd run into the village and get my uncle Silas."
This puzzles the inspector, so he asks, "Why would you do that?"
Came the answer, "Because he's never seen a train crash."
Andy says, "I would switch the points for one of the trains."
"What if the lever broke?" asked the inspector.
"Then I'd dash down out of the signal box," said Andy, "and I'd use the manual lever over there."
"What if that had been struck by lightning?"
"Then," Andy continues, "I'd run back into the signal box and phone the next signal box."
"What if the phone was engaged?"
"Well in that case," persevered Andy, "I'd rush down out of the box and use the public emergency phone at the level crossing up there."
"What if that was vandalised?"
"Oh well then I'd run into the village and get my uncle Silas."
This puzzles the inspector, so he asks, "Why would you do that?"
Came the answer, "Because he's never seen a train crash."
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Side effects of beer
1. Symptom: Cold and humid feet.
Cause: Glass is being held at incorrect angle
(You are pouring the Drink on your feet).
Cure: Maneuver glass until open end is facing upward
2. Symptom : The wall facing you is full of lights.
Cause : You're lying on the floor.
Cure: Position your body at a 90-degree angle to the floor.
3. Symptom: The floor looks blurry.
Cause : You're looking through an empty glass.
Cure: Quickly refill with your favorite drink!
4. Symptom : The floor is moving.
Cause: You're being dragged away.
Cure: At least ask where they're taking you!
5. Symptom : You hear echoes every time someone speaks.
Cause : You have your glass on your ear.
Cure: Stop making a fool of yourself!
6. Symptom: Your dad and all your brothers are looking funny.
Cause: You're in the wrong house.
Cure: Ask if they can point you to your house.
7 . Symptom: The room is shaking a lot, everyone is dressed in white and
The music is very repetitive.
Cause : You're in an ambulance.
Cure: Don't move. Let the professionals do their job
Cheers all !
Cause: Glass is being held at incorrect angle
(You are pouring the Drink on your feet).
Cure: Maneuver glass until open end is facing upward
2. Symptom : The wall facing you is full of lights.
Cause : You're lying on the floor.
Cure: Position your body at a 90-degree angle to the floor.
3. Symptom: The floor looks blurry.
Cause : You're looking through an empty glass.
Cure: Quickly refill with your favorite drink!
4. Symptom : The floor is moving.
Cause: You're being dragged away.
Cure: At least ask where they're taking you!
5. Symptom : You hear echoes every time someone speaks.
Cause : You have your glass on your ear.
Cure: Stop making a fool of yourself!
6. Symptom: Your dad and all your brothers are looking funny.
Cause: You're in the wrong house.
Cure: Ask if they can point you to your house.
7 . Symptom: The room is shaking a lot, everyone is dressed in white and
The music is very repetitive.
Cause : You're in an ambulance.
Cure: Don't move. Let the professionals do their job
Cheers all !
Saturday, November 17, 2007
The CLASSIC - Arabian Restaurant...
A fleeing taliban, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghanistan desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he walked toward the object, only to find a little old Jewish man sitting at a card table with neckties laid out on it.
The Arab asked, "My thirst is killing me. Do you have water?"
The Jewish man replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $150. This one goes very nicely with your robes."
The Arab shouted, "You idiot! I don't need an overpriced tie. I need water!"
"OK," said the old Jew, "it does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie. I will show you that you have not offended me. If you walk over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a lovely restaurant. Go! Walk that way! The restaurant has all the water you need!"
The Arab staggered away toward the hill and eventually disappeared. Four hours later the Arab came crawling back to where the Jewish man was sitting at his table.
The Jew said, "I told you, about two miles over that hill. Could you not find it?"
"I found it all right," gasped the Arab. "But your brother won't let me in without a tie."
The Arab asked, "My thirst is killing me. Do you have water?"
The Jewish man replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $150. This one goes very nicely with your robes."
The Arab shouted, "You idiot! I don't need an overpriced tie. I need water!"
"OK," said the old Jew, "it does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie. I will show you that you have not offended me. If you walk over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a lovely restaurant. Go! Walk that way! The restaurant has all the water you need!"
The Arab staggered away toward the hill and eventually disappeared. Four hours later the Arab came crawling back to where the Jewish man was sitting at his table.
The Jew said, "I told you, about two miles over that hill. Could you not find it?"
"I found it all right," gasped the Arab. "But your brother won't let me in without a tie."
How funjabi can you become ;) ?
How funjabi can you become ;) ?
He is sooo funjabi ...
* He thought a hockey defender was a refund.
* He thought Gurdass mann was a CD for FATS.
* At the bottom of an application where it says 'Sign here:' he wrote 'Sagittarius.'
He was sooooo funjabi...
* He took the ruler to bed to see how long he slept.
* He sent a fax with a stamp on it.
* Under 'education' on his job application, he put 'Hooked on Crickit'
He was sooooooo funjabi...
* He studied for a blood test.
* He sold the car for petrol money.
* When he went to the airport and saw a sign that said, 'Airport Left,' he turned around and went home
How much more funjabi can this get ?
* When he heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, he moved.
* He thought if he spoke his mind, he'd be speechless.
* He thought that he could not use his AM radio in the evening.
* He had a shirt that said 'TGIF,' which he thought stood for 'This Goes In Front.'
AND MY PERSONAL FAVORITE:
This is too funjabi to handle...
He thinks BSNL is the ONLY phone company that provides internet. period.
--
No offense, punjabi mates ! (we're all indians, sometimes you guys pull our legs, at other times, we pull yours) hehe !
He is sooo funjabi ...
* He thought a hockey defender was a refund.
* He thought Gurdass mann was a CD for FATS.
* At the bottom of an application where it says 'Sign here:' he wrote 'Sagittarius.'
He was sooooo funjabi...
* He took the ruler to bed to see how long he slept.
* He sent a fax with a stamp on it.
* Under 'education' on his job application, he put 'Hooked on Crickit'
He was sooooooo funjabi...
* He studied for a blood test.
* He sold the car for petrol money.
* When he went to the airport and saw a sign that said, 'Airport Left,' he turned around and went home
How much more funjabi can this get ?
* When he heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, he moved.
* He thought if he spoke his mind, he'd be speechless.
* He thought that he could not use his AM radio in the evening.
* He had a shirt that said 'TGIF,' which he thought stood for 'This Goes In Front.'
AND MY PERSONAL FAVORITE:
This is too funjabi to handle...
He thinks BSNL is the ONLY phone company that provides internet. period.
--
No offense, punjabi mates ! (we're all indians, sometimes you guys pull our legs, at other times, we pull yours) hehe !
Thursday, November 15, 2007
IT User Manual
1. When IT say they're coming right over, log out and go for coffee. It's no problem for us to remember 700 network passwords.
2. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and children's art. We don't have a life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.
3. When IT send you an e-mail with high importance, delete it at once. We're probably just testing out the public groups.
4. When an IT professional is eating lunch at his desk, walk right in and spill your guts out and expect him to respond immediately. We exist only to serve and are always ready to think about fixing computers.
5. When an IT professional is at the water cooler or outside having a smoke, ask him a computer question. The only reason why we drink water or smoke is to ferret out all those users who don't have email or a telephone line.
6. Send urgent email ALL IN UPPERCASE. The mail server picks it up and flags it as a rush delivery.
7. When you call a helpdesk engineer's direct line rather than the helpdesk number, press 5 to skip the greeting that says he's on holiday for a week, record your message, and wait exactly 24 hours before you send an email straight to the director because no one ever returned your call. You're entitled to common courtesy.
8. When the photocopier doesn't work, call computer support. There's electronics in it, right?
9. When you're getting a NO DIAL TONE message at home, call the helpdesk. We can even fix telephone problems from here.
10. When something's wrong with your home PC, dump it on a chair in IT. Leave no name, no phone number, and no description of the problem. We love a good mystery.
11. When you have a helpdesk engineer on the phone walking you through changing a setting; read the paper. We don't actually mean for you to DO anything; we just love to hear ourselves talk.
12. When we offer you training on the upcoming OS upgrade, don't bother. We'll be there to hold your hand after it is done.
13. When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least 20 times. Print jobs frequently just disappear into the cosmos for no reason.
14. When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send the job to all 68 printers in the office. One of them is bound to work.
15. Don't use online help. Online help is for wimps.
16. If you're taking night classes in computer science, feel free to go around and update the network drivers for yourself and your co-workers. We're grateful for the overtime when we have to stay until 2:30am fixing them.
17. When you have an IT person fixing your computer at a quarter to one, eat your lunch in her face. We function better when slightly dizzy.
18. Don't ever thank us. We love this AND we get paid for it!
19. When a helpdesk engineer asks you whether you've installed any new software on this computer, lie. It's nobody's business what you've got on your computer.
20. If the mouse cable keeps knocking down the framed picture of your dog, lift the computer and stuff the cable under it. Mouse cables were designed to have 45 lbs. of computer sitting on top of them.
21. If the space bar on your keyboard doesn't work, blame it on the network/mail upgrade. Keyboards work much better with half a pound of muffin crumbs, nail clippings, and big sticky drops of Coke under the keys.
22. When you get the message saying "Are you sure?" click on that 'Yes' button as fast as you can. Hell, if you weren't sure, you wouldn't be doing it, would you?
23. Feel perfectly free to say things like "I don't know anything about that computer crap". It never bothers us to hear our area of professional expertise referred to as "crap".
24. When you need to change the toner cartridge, call the helpdesk. Changing a toner cartridge is an extremely complex task, and Hewlett-Packard recommends that it be performed only by a professional engineer with a master's degree in nuclear physics.
25. When something's the matter with your computer, ask your secretary to call the help desk. We enjoy the challenge of having to deal with a third party who doesn't know anything about the problem.
26. When you receive a 30-meg movie file, send it to everyone as a high-priority mail attachment. We've got plenty of disk space and processor capacity on that mail server.
27. Don't even think of breaking large print jobs down into smaller chunks. God forbid somebody else might get a chance to squeeze into the queue.
28. When you bump into an IT person in the supermarket on a Saturday, ask a computer question. We work 24/7, even while at the supermarket on weekends.
29. If your son is a student in computer science, have him come in on the weekends and do his projects on your office computer. We'll be there for you when his illegal copy of Visual Basic 6.0 makes your Access database flip out.
30. When you bring us your own no-brand home PC to repair for free at the office, tell us how urgently we need to fix it so your son can get back to playing DOOM. We'll get right on it because we have so much free time at the office.
Couldn't blog for a while, that's why wrote this today ...
2. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and children's art. We don't have a life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.
3. When IT send you an e-mail with high importance, delete it at once. We're probably just testing out the public groups.
4. When an IT professional is eating lunch at his desk, walk right in and spill your guts out and expect him to respond immediately. We exist only to serve and are always ready to think about fixing computers.
5. When an IT professional is at the water cooler or outside having a smoke, ask him a computer question. The only reason why we drink water or smoke is to ferret out all those users who don't have email or a telephone line.
6. Send urgent email ALL IN UPPERCASE. The mail server picks it up and flags it as a rush delivery.
7. When you call a helpdesk engineer's direct line rather than the helpdesk number, press 5 to skip the greeting that says he's on holiday for a week, record your message, and wait exactly 24 hours before you send an email straight to the director because no one ever returned your call. You're entitled to common courtesy.
8. When the photocopier doesn't work, call computer support. There's electronics in it, right?
9. When you're getting a NO DIAL TONE message at home, call the helpdesk. We can even fix telephone problems from here.
10. When something's wrong with your home PC, dump it on a chair in IT. Leave no name, no phone number, and no description of the problem. We love a good mystery.
11. When you have a helpdesk engineer on the phone walking you through changing a setting; read the paper. We don't actually mean for you to DO anything; we just love to hear ourselves talk.
12. When we offer you training on the upcoming OS upgrade, don't bother. We'll be there to hold your hand after it is done.
13. When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least 20 times. Print jobs frequently just disappear into the cosmos for no reason.
14. When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send the job to all 68 printers in the office. One of them is bound to work.
15. Don't use online help. Online help is for wimps.
16. If you're taking night classes in computer science, feel free to go around and update the network drivers for yourself and your co-workers. We're grateful for the overtime when we have to stay until 2:30am fixing them.
17. When you have an IT person fixing your computer at a quarter to one, eat your lunch in her face. We function better when slightly dizzy.
18. Don't ever thank us. We love this AND we get paid for it!
19. When a helpdesk engineer asks you whether you've installed any new software on this computer, lie. It's nobody's business what you've got on your computer.
20. If the mouse cable keeps knocking down the framed picture of your dog, lift the computer and stuff the cable under it. Mouse cables were designed to have 45 lbs. of computer sitting on top of them.
21. If the space bar on your keyboard doesn't work, blame it on the network/mail upgrade. Keyboards work much better with half a pound of muffin crumbs, nail clippings, and big sticky drops of Coke under the keys.
22. When you get the message saying "Are you sure?" click on that 'Yes' button as fast as you can. Hell, if you weren't sure, you wouldn't be doing it, would you?
23. Feel perfectly free to say things like "I don't know anything about that computer crap". It never bothers us to hear our area of professional expertise referred to as "crap".
24. When you need to change the toner cartridge, call the helpdesk. Changing a toner cartridge is an extremely complex task, and Hewlett-Packard recommends that it be performed only by a professional engineer with a master's degree in nuclear physics.
25. When something's the matter with your computer, ask your secretary to call the help desk. We enjoy the challenge of having to deal with a third party who doesn't know anything about the problem.
26. When you receive a 30-meg movie file, send it to everyone as a high-priority mail attachment. We've got plenty of disk space and processor capacity on that mail server.
27. Don't even think of breaking large print jobs down into smaller chunks. God forbid somebody else might get a chance to squeeze into the queue.
28. When you bump into an IT person in the supermarket on a Saturday, ask a computer question. We work 24/7, even while at the supermarket on weekends.
29. If your son is a student in computer science, have him come in on the weekends and do his projects on your office computer. We'll be there for you when his illegal copy of Visual Basic 6.0 makes your Access database flip out.
30. When you bring us your own no-brand home PC to repair for free at the office, tell us how urgently we need to fix it so your son can get back to playing DOOM. We'll get right on it because we have so much free time at the office.
Couldn't blog for a while, that's why wrote this today ...
Thursday, November 1, 2007
Creative T-Shirt Designs
I wish I had all of them, but it would hurt really to have all of them, cuz there will be nothing to wish for if I had them all ... right ;) ?
15 things to do while ordering pizza
1. Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."
2. Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is on the other line and you're going with the lowest bidder.
3. Give them your address, exclaim "Oh, just surprise me!" and hang up.
4. Tell them to put the crust on top this time.
5. Tell the order taker you're depressed. Get him/her to cheer you up.
6. If they repeat the order to make sure they have it right, say "OK. That'll be $15.35; please pull up to the first window."
7. Ask if you can Rent a pizza.
8. Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of relief.
9. Ask to see a menu.
10. Order a slice, not a whole pizza.
11. Ask about pizza maintenance and repair.
12. When listing toppings you want on your pizza, include another pizza as a topping.
13. Make the first topping you order mushrooms. Make the last thing you say "No mushrooms, please." Hang up before they have a chance to respond.
14. When the order is repeated, change it slightly. When it is repeated again, change it again. On the third time, say "You just don't get it, do you?"
15. When they say "Will that be all?", snicker and say "We'll find out, won't we?"
2. Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is on the other line and you're going with the lowest bidder.
3. Give them your address, exclaim "Oh, just surprise me!" and hang up.
4. Tell them to put the crust on top this time.
5. Tell the order taker you're depressed. Get him/her to cheer you up.
6. If they repeat the order to make sure they have it right, say "OK. That'll be $15.35; please pull up to the first window."
7. Ask if you can Rent a pizza.
8. Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of relief.
9. Ask to see a menu.
10. Order a slice, not a whole pizza.
11. Ask about pizza maintenance and repair.
12. When listing toppings you want on your pizza, include another pizza as a topping.
13. Make the first topping you order mushrooms. Make the last thing you say "No mushrooms, please." Hang up before they have a chance to respond.
14. When the order is repeated, change it slightly. When it is repeated again, change it again. On the third time, say "You just don't get it, do you?"
15. When they say "Will that be all?", snicker and say "We'll find out, won't we?"
New Chief Samurai
There once was a powerful Japanese emperor who needed
a new chief samurai. So he sent out a declaration
throughout the entire known world that he was
searching for a chief.
A year passed, and only three people applied for the
very demanding position: a Japanese samurai, a Chinese
samurai, and a Jewish samurai.
The emperor asked the Japanese samurai to come in and
demonstrate why he should be the chief samurai. The
Japanese samurai opened a matchbox, and out popped a
bumblebee. Whoosh! went his sword. The bumblebee
dropped dead, chopped in half.
The emperor exclaimed, "That is very impressive!"The
emperor then issued the same challenge to the Chinese
samurai, to come in and demonstrate why he should be
chosen. The Chinese samurai also opened a matchbox and
out buzzed a fly. Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh, whoosh! The
fly dropped dead, chopped into four small pieces.
The emperor exclaimed, "That is very impressive!"
Now the emperor turned to the Jewish samurai, and
asked him to demonstrate why he should be the chief
samurai. The Jewish Samurai opened a matchbox, and out
flew a gnat. His flashing sword went Whoosh! But the
gnat was still alive and flying around.
The emperor, obviously disappointed, said, "Very
ambitious, but why is that gnat not dead?"
The Jewish Samurai just smiled and said, "Circumcision
is not meant to kill."
a new chief samurai. So he sent out a declaration
throughout the entire known world that he was
searching for a chief.
A year passed, and only three people applied for the
very demanding position: a Japanese samurai, a Chinese
samurai, and a Jewish samurai.
The emperor asked the Japanese samurai to come in and
demonstrate why he should be the chief samurai. The
Japanese samurai opened a matchbox, and out popped a
bumblebee. Whoosh! went his sword. The bumblebee
dropped dead, chopped in half.
The emperor exclaimed, "That is very impressive!"The
emperor then issued the same challenge to the Chinese
samurai, to come in and demonstrate why he should be
chosen. The Chinese samurai also opened a matchbox and
out buzzed a fly. Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh, whoosh! The
fly dropped dead, chopped into four small pieces.
The emperor exclaimed, "That is very impressive!"
Now the emperor turned to the Jewish samurai, and
asked him to demonstrate why he should be the chief
samurai. The Jewish Samurai opened a matchbox, and out
flew a gnat. His flashing sword went Whoosh! But the
gnat was still alive and flying around.
The emperor, obviously disappointed, said, "Very
ambitious, but why is that gnat not dead?"
The Jewish Samurai just smiled and said, "Circumcision
is not meant to kill."
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