Universal law:
"Love can neither be created nor be destroyed; only it can transfer
from One girlfriend to another girlfriend with some loss of money "
First law:
"A boy in love with a girl, continue to be in love with her and a girl
in love with a boy, continue to be in love with him, until or unless
any external agent(brother or father of the gal) comes into play and
break the legs of the boy. "
Second law:
"The rate of change of intensity of love of a girl towards a boy is
directly proportional to the instantaneous bank balance of the boy and
the direction of this love is same to as increment or decrement of the
bank balance. "
Third law:
"The force applied while proposing a girl by a boy is equal and
opposite to the force applied by the girl while she slaps."
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Thursday, October 8, 2009
How drunk are you? Official drinking test
This simple five question test will help determine how drunk you really are. Begin by answering each of the five questions below truthfully. Then determine your score based on question answer values provided. Lastly, compare your score to the results for a final answer.
1. Think about your wife. In your mind, is she: (a) the most beautiful woman alive; (b) a beautiful woman; (c) attractive; (d) ugly as sin.
2. Think about your job. In your mind, is it: (a) the best job on the planet; (b) a good job; (c) a decent job; (d) the most annoying job ever.
3. Try walking. What happened? Did you: (a) find it impossible to stand up; (b) fall after standing up; (c) walk fifty feet before falling flat on your face; (d) walk one thousand feet without falling.
4. How did you get to the bar? I got here in: (a) my brand new chauffer-driven limo; (b) a brand new car; (c) a used car; (d) a rented, rusted, and damaged 1950 japanese import.
5. What do you think of your strength? I am: (a) invincible; (b) stronger than anyone in the bar; (c) as strong as the average man; (d) a weak and pathetic being.
Question answer values
For every question answered with an A, add ten points.
For every question answered with a B, add five points.
For every question answered with a C, do not change the score.
For every question answered with a D, subtract five points.
For every question answered with an E, add one hundred points.
Results
For scores ranging from fifty to 135, congratulations. You're over and above the normal drunk. Generally, at least they are able to select a valid option. An e option does not even exist on this test. You should probably check yourself into a hospital for alcohol poisoning.
For scores ranging from thirty-five to fifty, you had ten too many beers. If you plan on driving home, make out a will first--that is, if you can even remember your own name. Lastly, don't even think about standing up.
For scores ranging from fifteen to thirty-five, you have had one too many beers. Don't drive unless you want a higher insurance rate. Standing up will probably result in injury.
For scores ranging from zero to fifteen, you may want to stop drinking now. You have probably had enough beers but don't drive unless you want a ticket. If you choose to ignore the tip to stop drinking, it is not a problem; you probably still have the ability to stand up.
For scores ranging from negative twenty-five to zero, you must just be getting started! I bet you don't even have one beer in you. In terms of driving, you are probably just getting out of the car and are walking to the bar this very moment.
1. Think about your wife. In your mind, is she: (a) the most beautiful woman alive; (b) a beautiful woman; (c) attractive; (d) ugly as sin.
2. Think about your job. In your mind, is it: (a) the best job on the planet; (b) a good job; (c) a decent job; (d) the most annoying job ever.
3. Try walking. What happened? Did you: (a) find it impossible to stand up; (b) fall after standing up; (c) walk fifty feet before falling flat on your face; (d) walk one thousand feet without falling.
4. How did you get to the bar? I got here in: (a) my brand new chauffer-driven limo; (b) a brand new car; (c) a used car; (d) a rented, rusted, and damaged 1950 japanese import.
5. What do you think of your strength? I am: (a) invincible; (b) stronger than anyone in the bar; (c) as strong as the average man; (d) a weak and pathetic being.
Question answer values
For every question answered with an A, add ten points.
For every question answered with a B, add five points.
For every question answered with a C, do not change the score.
For every question answered with a D, subtract five points.
For every question answered with an E, add one hundred points.
Results
For scores ranging from fifty to 135, congratulations. You're over and above the normal drunk. Generally, at least they are able to select a valid option. An e option does not even exist on this test. You should probably check yourself into a hospital for alcohol poisoning.
For scores ranging from thirty-five to fifty, you had ten too many beers. If you plan on driving home, make out a will first--that is, if you can even remember your own name. Lastly, don't even think about standing up.
For scores ranging from fifteen to thirty-five, you have had one too many beers. Don't drive unless you want a higher insurance rate. Standing up will probably result in injury.
For scores ranging from zero to fifteen, you may want to stop drinking now. You have probably had enough beers but don't drive unless you want a ticket. If you choose to ignore the tip to stop drinking, it is not a problem; you probably still have the ability to stand up.
For scores ranging from negative twenty-five to zero, you must just be getting started! I bet you don't even have one beer in you. In terms of driving, you are probably just getting out of the car and are walking to the bar this very moment.
Arriving home very drunk
A man is in a bar and falling off his stool every couple of minutes. He is obviously drunk. So the bartender says to another man in the bar: "Why don't you be a good Samaritan and take him home."
The man takes the drunk out the door and to his car and he stumbles at least ten times. They drive along and the drunk points out his house to the man. He stops the car and the drunk stumbles up the steps to his house with the man.
The drunk's wife greets them at the door: "Why thank you for bringing him home for me, but where's his wheel chair?"
-
OMG, that's scary shit ... could people be so drunk, lol ?
sidenote, upcoming post is on a drinking test
The man takes the drunk out the door and to his car and he stumbles at least ten times. They drive along and the drunk points out his house to the man. He stops the car and the drunk stumbles up the steps to his house with the man.
The drunk's wife greets them at the door: "Why thank you for bringing him home for me, but where's his wheel chair?"
-
OMG, that's scary shit ... could people be so drunk, lol ?
sidenote, upcoming post is on a drinking test
The Lie Detector
One day John came home
with another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot
that John claimed was actually a lie detector.
It was about 5:30 that
afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son, returned home
from school. Tommy was over 2 hours late.
"Where have you been? Why are you over 2
hours late getting home?" asked John.
"Several of us went to
the library to work on an extra credit project," said
Tommy.
The robot walked
around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely
out of his chair.
"Son," said John, "this robot is a lie
detector, now tell us where
you really were after school."
"We went to Bobby's house and
watched a movie." said Tommy.
"What did you watch?" asked Marsha.
"The Ten Commandments." answered Tommy.
The robot went around
to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off his
chair.
With his lip
quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, "I am
sorry I lied. We really
watched a tape called Sex Queen."
"I am ashamed of you son,"
said John. "When I was your age, I never lied to my parents."
The robot walked
around to John and delivered a whack that nearly knocked
him out of his chair.
Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears and said,
"Boy, did you ever ask for that one! You can't be
too mad with Tommy. After all,
he is your son!"
The robot walked
around to Marsha and knocked her out of her chair.
edit: (looks like I already posted it earlier, but what the heck... it's a good joke ;) )
--
ROFLs
with another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot
that John claimed was actually a lie detector.
It was about 5:30 that
afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son, returned home
from school. Tommy was over 2 hours late.
"Where have you been? Why are you over 2
hours late getting home?" asked John.
"Several of us went to
the library to work on an extra credit project," said
Tommy.
The robot walked
around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely
out of his chair.
"Son," said John, "this robot is a lie
detector, now tell us where
you really were after school."
"We went to Bobby's house and
watched a movie." said Tommy.
"What did you watch?" asked Marsha.
"The Ten Commandments." answered Tommy.
The robot went around
to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off his
chair.
With his lip
quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, "I am
sorry I lied. We really
watched a tape called Sex Queen."
"I am ashamed of you son,"
said John. "When I was your age, I never lied to my parents."
The robot walked
around to John and delivered a whack that nearly knocked
him out of his chair.
Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears and said,
"Boy, did you ever ask for that one! You can't be
too mad with Tommy. After all,
he is your son!"
The robot walked
around to Marsha and knocked her out of her chair.
edit: (looks like I already posted it earlier, but what the heck... it's a good joke ;) )
--
ROFLs
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Thought for the day - Funny (Be a dog)
Handle every stressful situation like a dog.
If you can't eat it or hump it, Piss on it and walk away...
--
ROFLMAO !
If you can't eat it or hump it, Piss on it and walk away...
--
ROFLMAO !
Wife taking shower and signalling lessons
A man is doing yard work and his wife is about to take a shower. The man realizes that he can't find the rake. He yells up to his wife, "Where is the rake?"
She can't hear him and shouts back, "What?" The man first points to his eye, then points to his knee and finally makes a raking motion. The wife is not sure and says, "What? and the man repeats his gestures. "EYE KNEE - THE RAKE"
The wife replies that she understands and signals back. She first points to her eye, next she points to her left breast, then she points to her butt, and finally to her crotch.
Well, there is no way in hell the man can even come close on that one. Exasperated, he goes upstairs and asks her "What in the hell was that?" She replies, "EYE - LEFT TIT - BEHIND - THE BUSH"
She can't hear him and shouts back, "What?" The man first points to his eye, then points to his knee and finally makes a raking motion. The wife is not sure and says, "What? and the man repeats his gestures. "EYE KNEE - THE RAKE"
The wife replies that she understands and signals back. She first points to her eye, next she points to her left breast, then she points to her butt, and finally to her crotch.
Well, there is no way in hell the man can even come close on that one. Exasperated, he goes upstairs and asks her "What in the hell was that?" She replies, "EYE - LEFT TIT - BEHIND - THE BUSH"
What are these dad ?
A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son.
They happen to walk by the condom display, and the Boy asks, 'What are these, Dad?
To which the man matter-of-factly replies, 'Those are called condoms, son.
Men use them to have safe sex.''Oh I see,' replied the boy.' Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school.
He looks over the display and picks up a Package of 3 and asks, 'Why are there 3 in this package?' The dad replies,
'Those are for high schoolboys, one for Friday, one for Saturday, and one For Sunday.'Cool' says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks,
'Then who are these for?' Those are for college men,' the dad answers,'TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday and TWO for Sunday.''WOW!' exclaimed the boy, 'then who uses THESE?' he asks, picking up a 12 Pack.
With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replied
Those are for Married men. One for January, one for February, one for March... :(
They happen to walk by the condom display, and the Boy asks, 'What are these, Dad?
To which the man matter-of-factly replies, 'Those are called condoms, son.
Men use them to have safe sex.''Oh I see,' replied the boy.' Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school.
He looks over the display and picks up a Package of 3 and asks, 'Why are there 3 in this package?' The dad replies,
'Those are for high schoolboys, one for Friday, one for Saturday, and one For Sunday.'Cool' says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks,
'Then who are these for?' Those are for college men,' the dad answers,'TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday and TWO for Sunday.''WOW!' exclaimed the boy, 'then who uses THESE?' he asks, picking up a 12 Pack.
With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replied
Those are for Married men. One for January, one for February, one for March... :(
Have a coffee on me
CLICK ON THE LINK (COFFEE MACHINE BELOW)
http://www.cartoline.it/pics/_zoom_flash.htm?immagine=scherzi_150404_01.swf
http://www.cartoline.it/pics/_zoom_flash.htm?immagine=scherzi_150404_01.swf
Monday, October 5, 2009
Man finds another guy on the bed with his wife
Disclaimer: Please don't read it if you're not an adult. In most countries adults are supposed to be 18 or 21. Peace !
One day a man returns home from work to find his wife in bed with another man with his head between her breasts. He cries, "What the hell do you think you are doing?" The young man replied, "Listening to music." The husband pushes the man aside and puts his head between her breast and listens. "I don't hear any music!" says the husband. To which the man replies, "Your not plugged in."
One day a man returns home from work to find his wife in bed with another man with his head between her breasts. He cries, "What the hell do you think you are doing?" The young man replied, "Listening to music." The husband pushes the man aside and puts his head between her breast and listens. "I don't hear any music!" says the husband. To which the man replies, "Your not plugged in."
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