1. Symptom: Cold and humid feet.
Cause: Glass is being held at incorrect angle
(You are pouring the Drink on your feet).
Cure: Maneuver glass until open end is facing upward
2. Symptom : The wall facing you is full of lights.
Cause : You're lying on the floor.
Cure: Position your body at a 90-degree angle to the floor.
3. Symptom: The floor looks blurry.
Cause : You're looking through an empty glass.
Cure: Quickly refill with your favorite drink!
4. Symptom : The floor is moving.
Cause: You're being dragged away.
Cure: At least ask where they're taking you!
5. Symptom : You hear echoes every time someone speaks.
Cause : You have your glass on your ear.
Cure: Stop making a fool of yourself!
6. Symptom: Your dad and all your brothers are looking funny.
Cause: You're in the wrong house.
Cure: Ask if they can point you to your house.
7 . Symptom: The room is shaking a lot, everyone is dressed in white and
The music is very repetitive.
Cause : You're in an ambulance.
Cure: Don't move. Let the professionals do their job
Cheers all !
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Saturday, November 17, 2007
The CLASSIC - Arabian Restaurant...
A fleeing taliban, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghanistan desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he walked toward the object, only to find a little old Jewish man sitting at a card table with neckties laid out on it.
The Arab asked, "My thirst is killing me. Do you have water?"
The Jewish man replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $150. This one goes very nicely with your robes."
The Arab shouted, "You idiot! I don't need an overpriced tie. I need water!"
"OK," said the old Jew, "it does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie. I will show you that you have not offended me. If you walk over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a lovely restaurant. Go! Walk that way! The restaurant has all the water you need!"
The Arab staggered away toward the hill and eventually disappeared. Four hours later the Arab came crawling back to where the Jewish man was sitting at his table.
The Jew said, "I told you, about two miles over that hill. Could you not find it?"
"I found it all right," gasped the Arab. "But your brother won't let me in without a tie."
The Arab asked, "My thirst is killing me. Do you have water?"
The Jewish man replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $150. This one goes very nicely with your robes."
The Arab shouted, "You idiot! I don't need an overpriced tie. I need water!"
"OK," said the old Jew, "it does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie. I will show you that you have not offended me. If you walk over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a lovely restaurant. Go! Walk that way! The restaurant has all the water you need!"
The Arab staggered away toward the hill and eventually disappeared. Four hours later the Arab came crawling back to where the Jewish man was sitting at his table.
The Jew said, "I told you, about two miles over that hill. Could you not find it?"
"I found it all right," gasped the Arab. "But your brother won't let me in without a tie."
How funjabi can you become ;) ?
How funjabi can you become ;) ?
He is sooo funjabi ...
* He thought a hockey defender was a refund.
* He thought Gurdass mann was a CD for FATS.
* At the bottom of an application where it says 'Sign here:' he wrote 'Sagittarius.'
He was sooooo funjabi...
* He took the ruler to bed to see how long he slept.
* He sent a fax with a stamp on it.
* Under 'education' on his job application, he put 'Hooked on Crickit'
He was sooooooo funjabi...
* He studied for a blood test.
* He sold the car for petrol money.
* When he went to the airport and saw a sign that said, 'Airport Left,' he turned around and went home
How much more funjabi can this get ?
* When he heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, he moved.
* He thought if he spoke his mind, he'd be speechless.
* He thought that he could not use his AM radio in the evening.
* He had a shirt that said 'TGIF,' which he thought stood for 'This Goes In Front.'
AND MY PERSONAL FAVORITE:
This is too funjabi to handle...
He thinks BSNL is the ONLY phone company that provides internet. period.
--
No offense, punjabi mates ! (we're all indians, sometimes you guys pull our legs, at other times, we pull yours) hehe !
He is sooo funjabi ...
* He thought a hockey defender was a refund.
* He thought Gurdass mann was a CD for FATS.
* At the bottom of an application where it says 'Sign here:' he wrote 'Sagittarius.'
He was sooooo funjabi...
* He took the ruler to bed to see how long he slept.
* He sent a fax with a stamp on it.
* Under 'education' on his job application, he put 'Hooked on Crickit'
He was sooooooo funjabi...
* He studied for a blood test.
* He sold the car for petrol money.
* When he went to the airport and saw a sign that said, 'Airport Left,' he turned around and went home
How much more funjabi can this get ?
* When he heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, he moved.
* He thought if he spoke his mind, he'd be speechless.
* He thought that he could not use his AM radio in the evening.
* He had a shirt that said 'TGIF,' which he thought stood for 'This Goes In Front.'
AND MY PERSONAL FAVORITE:
This is too funjabi to handle...
He thinks BSNL is the ONLY phone company that provides internet. period.
--
No offense, punjabi mates ! (we're all indians, sometimes you guys pull our legs, at other times, we pull yours) hehe !
Thursday, November 15, 2007
IT User Manual
1. When IT say they're coming right over, log out and go for coffee. It's no problem for us to remember 700 network passwords.
2. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and children's art. We don't have a life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.
3. When IT send you an e-mail with high importance, delete it at once. We're probably just testing out the public groups.
4. When an IT professional is eating lunch at his desk, walk right in and spill your guts out and expect him to respond immediately. We exist only to serve and are always ready to think about fixing computers.
5. When an IT professional is at the water cooler or outside having a smoke, ask him a computer question. The only reason why we drink water or smoke is to ferret out all those users who don't have email or a telephone line.
6. Send urgent email ALL IN UPPERCASE. The mail server picks it up and flags it as a rush delivery.
7. When you call a helpdesk engineer's direct line rather than the helpdesk number, press 5 to skip the greeting that says he's on holiday for a week, record your message, and wait exactly 24 hours before you send an email straight to the director because no one ever returned your call. You're entitled to common courtesy.
8. When the photocopier doesn't work, call computer support. There's electronics in it, right?
9. When you're getting a NO DIAL TONE message at home, call the helpdesk. We can even fix telephone problems from here.
10. When something's wrong with your home PC, dump it on a chair in IT. Leave no name, no phone number, and no description of the problem. We love a good mystery.
11. When you have a helpdesk engineer on the phone walking you through changing a setting; read the paper. We don't actually mean for you to DO anything; we just love to hear ourselves talk.
12. When we offer you training on the upcoming OS upgrade, don't bother. We'll be there to hold your hand after it is done.
13. When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least 20 times. Print jobs frequently just disappear into the cosmos for no reason.
14. When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send the job to all 68 printers in the office. One of them is bound to work.
15. Don't use online help. Online help is for wimps.
16. If you're taking night classes in computer science, feel free to go around and update the network drivers for yourself and your co-workers. We're grateful for the overtime when we have to stay until 2:30am fixing them.
17. When you have an IT person fixing your computer at a quarter to one, eat your lunch in her face. We function better when slightly dizzy.
18. Don't ever thank us. We love this AND we get paid for it!
19. When a helpdesk engineer asks you whether you've installed any new software on this computer, lie. It's nobody's business what you've got on your computer.
20. If the mouse cable keeps knocking down the framed picture of your dog, lift the computer and stuff the cable under it. Mouse cables were designed to have 45 lbs. of computer sitting on top of them.
21. If the space bar on your keyboard doesn't work, blame it on the network/mail upgrade. Keyboards work much better with half a pound of muffin crumbs, nail clippings, and big sticky drops of Coke under the keys.
22. When you get the message saying "Are you sure?" click on that 'Yes' button as fast as you can. Hell, if you weren't sure, you wouldn't be doing it, would you?
23. Feel perfectly free to say things like "I don't know anything about that computer crap". It never bothers us to hear our area of professional expertise referred to as "crap".
24. When you need to change the toner cartridge, call the helpdesk. Changing a toner cartridge is an extremely complex task, and Hewlett-Packard recommends that it be performed only by a professional engineer with a master's degree in nuclear physics.
25. When something's the matter with your computer, ask your secretary to call the help desk. We enjoy the challenge of having to deal with a third party who doesn't know anything about the problem.
26. When you receive a 30-meg movie file, send it to everyone as a high-priority mail attachment. We've got plenty of disk space and processor capacity on that mail server.
27. Don't even think of breaking large print jobs down into smaller chunks. God forbid somebody else might get a chance to squeeze into the queue.
28. When you bump into an IT person in the supermarket on a Saturday, ask a computer question. We work 24/7, even while at the supermarket on weekends.
29. If your son is a student in computer science, have him come in on the weekends and do his projects on your office computer. We'll be there for you when his illegal copy of Visual Basic 6.0 makes your Access database flip out.
30. When you bring us your own no-brand home PC to repair for free at the office, tell us how urgently we need to fix it so your son can get back to playing DOOM. We'll get right on it because we have so much free time at the office.
Couldn't blog for a while, that's why wrote this today ...
2. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and children's art. We don't have a life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.
3. When IT send you an e-mail with high importance, delete it at once. We're probably just testing out the public groups.
4. When an IT professional is eating lunch at his desk, walk right in and spill your guts out and expect him to respond immediately. We exist only to serve and are always ready to think about fixing computers.
5. When an IT professional is at the water cooler or outside having a smoke, ask him a computer question. The only reason why we drink water or smoke is to ferret out all those users who don't have email or a telephone line.
6. Send urgent email ALL IN UPPERCASE. The mail server picks it up and flags it as a rush delivery.
7. When you call a helpdesk engineer's direct line rather than the helpdesk number, press 5 to skip the greeting that says he's on holiday for a week, record your message, and wait exactly 24 hours before you send an email straight to the director because no one ever returned your call. You're entitled to common courtesy.
8. When the photocopier doesn't work, call computer support. There's electronics in it, right?
9. When you're getting a NO DIAL TONE message at home, call the helpdesk. We can even fix telephone problems from here.
10. When something's wrong with your home PC, dump it on a chair in IT. Leave no name, no phone number, and no description of the problem. We love a good mystery.
11. When you have a helpdesk engineer on the phone walking you through changing a setting; read the paper. We don't actually mean for you to DO anything; we just love to hear ourselves talk.
12. When we offer you training on the upcoming OS upgrade, don't bother. We'll be there to hold your hand after it is done.
13. When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least 20 times. Print jobs frequently just disappear into the cosmos for no reason.
14. When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send the job to all 68 printers in the office. One of them is bound to work.
15. Don't use online help. Online help is for wimps.
16. If you're taking night classes in computer science, feel free to go around and update the network drivers for yourself and your co-workers. We're grateful for the overtime when we have to stay until 2:30am fixing them.
17. When you have an IT person fixing your computer at a quarter to one, eat your lunch in her face. We function better when slightly dizzy.
18. Don't ever thank us. We love this AND we get paid for it!
19. When a helpdesk engineer asks you whether you've installed any new software on this computer, lie. It's nobody's business what you've got on your computer.
20. If the mouse cable keeps knocking down the framed picture of your dog, lift the computer and stuff the cable under it. Mouse cables were designed to have 45 lbs. of computer sitting on top of them.
21. If the space bar on your keyboard doesn't work, blame it on the network/mail upgrade. Keyboards work much better with half a pound of muffin crumbs, nail clippings, and big sticky drops of Coke under the keys.
22. When you get the message saying "Are you sure?" click on that 'Yes' button as fast as you can. Hell, if you weren't sure, you wouldn't be doing it, would you?
23. Feel perfectly free to say things like "I don't know anything about that computer crap". It never bothers us to hear our area of professional expertise referred to as "crap".
24. When you need to change the toner cartridge, call the helpdesk. Changing a toner cartridge is an extremely complex task, and Hewlett-Packard recommends that it be performed only by a professional engineer with a master's degree in nuclear physics.
25. When something's the matter with your computer, ask your secretary to call the help desk. We enjoy the challenge of having to deal with a third party who doesn't know anything about the problem.
26. When you receive a 30-meg movie file, send it to everyone as a high-priority mail attachment. We've got plenty of disk space and processor capacity on that mail server.
27. Don't even think of breaking large print jobs down into smaller chunks. God forbid somebody else might get a chance to squeeze into the queue.
28. When you bump into an IT person in the supermarket on a Saturday, ask a computer question. We work 24/7, even while at the supermarket on weekends.
29. If your son is a student in computer science, have him come in on the weekends and do his projects on your office computer. We'll be there for you when his illegal copy of Visual Basic 6.0 makes your Access database flip out.
30. When you bring us your own no-brand home PC to repair for free at the office, tell us how urgently we need to fix it so your son can get back to playing DOOM. We'll get right on it because we have so much free time at the office.
Couldn't blog for a while, that's why wrote this today ...
Thursday, November 1, 2007
Creative T-Shirt Designs
I wish I had all of them, but it would hurt really to have all of them, cuz there will be nothing to wish for if I had them all ... right ;) ?
15 things to do while ordering pizza
1. Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."
2. Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is on the other line and you're going with the lowest bidder.
3. Give them your address, exclaim "Oh, just surprise me!" and hang up.
4. Tell them to put the crust on top this time.
5. Tell the order taker you're depressed. Get him/her to cheer you up.
6. If they repeat the order to make sure they have it right, say "OK. That'll be $15.35; please pull up to the first window."
7. Ask if you can Rent a pizza.
8. Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of relief.
9. Ask to see a menu.
10. Order a slice, not a whole pizza.
11. Ask about pizza maintenance and repair.
12. When listing toppings you want on your pizza, include another pizza as a topping.
13. Make the first topping you order mushrooms. Make the last thing you say "No mushrooms, please." Hang up before they have a chance to respond.
14. When the order is repeated, change it slightly. When it is repeated again, change it again. On the third time, say "You just don't get it, do you?"
15. When they say "Will that be all?", snicker and say "We'll find out, won't we?"
2. Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is on the other line and you're going with the lowest bidder.
3. Give them your address, exclaim "Oh, just surprise me!" and hang up.
4. Tell them to put the crust on top this time.
5. Tell the order taker you're depressed. Get him/her to cheer you up.
6. If they repeat the order to make sure they have it right, say "OK. That'll be $15.35; please pull up to the first window."
7. Ask if you can Rent a pizza.
8. Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of relief.
9. Ask to see a menu.
10. Order a slice, not a whole pizza.
11. Ask about pizza maintenance and repair.
12. When listing toppings you want on your pizza, include another pizza as a topping.
13. Make the first topping you order mushrooms. Make the last thing you say "No mushrooms, please." Hang up before they have a chance to respond.
14. When the order is repeated, change it slightly. When it is repeated again, change it again. On the third time, say "You just don't get it, do you?"
15. When they say "Will that be all?", snicker and say "We'll find out, won't we?"
New Chief Samurai
There once was a powerful Japanese emperor who needed
a new chief samurai. So he sent out a declaration
throughout the entire known world that he was
searching for a chief.
A year passed, and only three people applied for the
very demanding position: a Japanese samurai, a Chinese
samurai, and a Jewish samurai.
The emperor asked the Japanese samurai to come in and
demonstrate why he should be the chief samurai. The
Japanese samurai opened a matchbox, and out popped a
bumblebee. Whoosh! went his sword. The bumblebee
dropped dead, chopped in half.
The emperor exclaimed, "That is very impressive!"The
emperor then issued the same challenge to the Chinese
samurai, to come in and demonstrate why he should be
chosen. The Chinese samurai also opened a matchbox and
out buzzed a fly. Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh, whoosh! The
fly dropped dead, chopped into four small pieces.
The emperor exclaimed, "That is very impressive!"
Now the emperor turned to the Jewish samurai, and
asked him to demonstrate why he should be the chief
samurai. The Jewish Samurai opened a matchbox, and out
flew a gnat. His flashing sword went Whoosh! But the
gnat was still alive and flying around.
The emperor, obviously disappointed, said, "Very
ambitious, but why is that gnat not dead?"
The Jewish Samurai just smiled and said, "Circumcision
is not meant to kill."
a new chief samurai. So he sent out a declaration
throughout the entire known world that he was
searching for a chief.
A year passed, and only three people applied for the
very demanding position: a Japanese samurai, a Chinese
samurai, and a Jewish samurai.
The emperor asked the Japanese samurai to come in and
demonstrate why he should be the chief samurai. The
Japanese samurai opened a matchbox, and out popped a
bumblebee. Whoosh! went his sword. The bumblebee
dropped dead, chopped in half.
The emperor exclaimed, "That is very impressive!"The
emperor then issued the same challenge to the Chinese
samurai, to come in and demonstrate why he should be
chosen. The Chinese samurai also opened a matchbox and
out buzzed a fly. Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh, whoosh! The
fly dropped dead, chopped into four small pieces.
The emperor exclaimed, "That is very impressive!"
Now the emperor turned to the Jewish samurai, and
asked him to demonstrate why he should be the chief
samurai. The Jewish Samurai opened a matchbox, and out
flew a gnat. His flashing sword went Whoosh! But the
gnat was still alive and flying around.
The emperor, obviously disappointed, said, "Very
ambitious, but why is that gnat not dead?"
The Jewish Samurai just smiled and said, "Circumcision
is not meant to kill."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)