To,
Juliet
Grade 7.0 S.M
Sub: Offer of love!
Dearest Ms Juliet,
I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in Love with you since the 14th of October (Saturday).
With reference to the meeting held between us on the 13th of Oct. At 1500 hrs, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover.
Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent.
Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous on the job training and performance appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse.
The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses.
However I am broadminded enough to be taken care of, on your expense account.
I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be cancelled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else.
I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer.
Wish you all the best!
Thanking you in anticipation,
Yours sincerely,
Romeo (HR Manager)
Thursday, April 30, 2009
American Radio's BEST come back line ever
THE BEST COMEBACK LINE EVER
Marine Corps General Reinwald was interviewed on the radio the other day and you'll love his reply to the lady who interviewed him concerning guns and children. Regardless of how you feel about gun laws you gotta love this!!!! This is one of the best comeback lines of all time.
It is a portion of National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a female broadcaster and US Marine Corps General Reinwald who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military installation.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?
GENERAL REINWALD: We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?
GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?
GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: But you're equipping them to become violent killers.
GENERAL REINWALD: Well, Ma'am, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?
The radio went silent and the interview ended. Then, they added this...
"You gotta love the Marines! AMERICA, THE HOME OF THE FREE BECAUSE OF THE BRAVE!!"
Marine Corps General Reinwald was interviewed on the radio the other day and you'll love his reply to the lady who interviewed him concerning guns and children. Regardless of how you feel about gun laws you gotta love this!!!! This is one of the best comeback lines of all time.
It is a portion of National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a female broadcaster and US Marine Corps General Reinwald who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military installation.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?
GENERAL REINWALD: We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?
GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?
GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: But you're equipping them to become violent killers.
GENERAL REINWALD: Well, Ma'am, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?
The radio went silent and the interview ended. Then, they added this...
"You gotta love the Marines! AMERICA, THE HOME OF THE FREE BECAUSE OF THE BRAVE!!"
PEOPLE & THEIR DRINKS
PEOPLE & THEIR DRINKS (this is back from Dec/Nov 2008, lay in my archives of jokes)
A recent magazine survey, interviewed fifty bartenders and they were asked if they could identify a customer's personality on what drinks they ordered? Although interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts. The results:
IF WOMEN DRINK THESE DRINKS IN A PUB ... (NOT AT HOME)
BEER
Personality: Casual, low maintenance; down to earth.
Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.
COCKTAILS OR BLENDER DRINKS WITH UMBRELLA
Personality: Flaky, annoying, dizzy, and a pain in the ass.
Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabin boy.
MIXED DRINKS - NO UMBRELLAS [GIN AND TONIC / SCOTCH AND SODA]
Personality: Mature, has picky taste; knows what she wants.
Approach: If she wants you, she'll send YOU a drink.
WATER
Personality: Pretentious and is looking for a serious relationship.
Approach: Don't.
WINE - BOTTLED, NOT CASK
Personality: Conservative and classy, sophisticated.
Approach: Try and weave Paris and clothing into the conversation.
ALCOPOPS - BACARDI BREEZER, SMIRNOFF ICE, ETC
Personality: Easy; thinks she is trendy and sophisticated actually has no clue.
Approach: Make her feel smarter than she is... and you're in.
SPIRITS - CC, WILD TURKEY, SOUTHERN COMFORT
Personality: Watch out, they are unique! A real mixture of personalities. Love to be laid!
Approach: Talk dirty to them whilst challenging them intellectually – you're in.
CAPE VELVET
Personality: Annoying voice, bit of a tart.
Approach: Stand close and mention the alley next to the pub.
SHOTS & SLAMMERS - TEQUILA, VODKA, COWBOYS, AFTERSHOCK ETC.
Personality: Hangs around with male work pals or looking to get drunk.
Approach: Easiest hit in the pub, Nothing to do but wait...
SPIRITS - JACKS, BEAM & BUNDY
Personality: Enjoys male company more than females, loves to party hard.
Approach: Keep buying them drinks, they'll think you're a nice bloke and they are probably trying to work out how to get you to bed!
IF MEN DRINK in a PUB.. (As always, very simple and clear cut.)
CIDER
He's probably under-aged and wants to get laid.
CHEAP DOMESTIC BEER
He's poor / student and wants to get laid.
CASTLE LAGER BEER
He likes good beer and wants to get laid.
IMPORTED BEER
He's old, likes good beer and wants to get laid.
GUINNESS
The man is a rapist and will get laid one way or another.
WATER
He just threw up and is trying to wash the taste out of his mouth so that he can still get laid.
WINE
He's hoping that the wine thing will give him a sophisticated image and help him get laid.
VODKA OR BRANDY
Extremely horny hound, would shag a warm scarf. Desperate to get laid.
PORT
Thinks he's sophisticated, secretly likes men and wants to get laid.
WHISKY/JACK DANIELS
He doesn't give two $hits about anything and will hit anyone who will get in his way of getting laid.
JIM BEAM
Not as masculine as the whisky drinker, knows all about feminine activities (knitting, crochet etc.) to weasel himself into getting laid.
RUM OR TEQUILA
Likes fighting almost as much as getting laid.
ALCOPOPS - BACARDI BREEZER, SMIRNOFF ICE, ETC
He's gay (blatantly) - don't turn your back or pick up any dropped change.
--
couldn't agree more, with the bacardi breezer thing... i know a girl like that...
and to that girl, you know who you are ... 10x to the joke!
A recent magazine survey, interviewed fifty bartenders and they were asked if they could identify a customer's personality on what drinks they ordered? Although interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts. The results:
IF WOMEN DRINK THESE DRINKS IN A PUB ... (NOT AT HOME)
BEER
Personality: Casual, low maintenance; down to earth.
Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.
COCKTAILS OR BLENDER DRINKS WITH UMBRELLA
Personality: Flaky, annoying, dizzy, and a pain in the ass.
Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabin boy.
MIXED DRINKS - NO UMBRELLAS [GIN AND TONIC / SCOTCH AND SODA]
Personality: Mature, has picky taste; knows what she wants.
Approach: If she wants you, she'll send YOU a drink.
WATER
Personality: Pretentious and is looking for a serious relationship.
Approach: Don't.
WINE - BOTTLED, NOT CASK
Personality: Conservative and classy, sophisticated.
Approach: Try and weave Paris and clothing into the conversation.
ALCOPOPS - BACARDI BREEZER, SMIRNOFF ICE, ETC
Personality: Easy; thinks she is trendy and sophisticated actually has no clue.
Approach: Make her feel smarter than she is... and you're in.
SPIRITS - CC, WILD TURKEY, SOUTHERN COMFORT
Personality: Watch out, they are unique! A real mixture of personalities. Love to be laid!
Approach: Talk dirty to them whilst challenging them intellectually – you're in.
CAPE VELVET
Personality: Annoying voice, bit of a tart.
Approach: Stand close and mention the alley next to the pub.
SHOTS & SLAMMERS - TEQUILA, VODKA, COWBOYS, AFTERSHOCK ETC.
Personality: Hangs around with male work pals or looking to get drunk.
Approach: Easiest hit in the pub, Nothing to do but wait...
SPIRITS - JACKS, BEAM & BUNDY
Personality: Enjoys male company more than females, loves to party hard.
Approach: Keep buying them drinks, they'll think you're a nice bloke and they are probably trying to work out how to get you to bed!
IF MEN DRINK in a PUB.. (As always, very simple and clear cut.)
CIDER
He's probably under-aged and wants to get laid.
CHEAP DOMESTIC BEER
He's poor / student and wants to get laid.
CASTLE LAGER BEER
He likes good beer and wants to get laid.
IMPORTED BEER
He's old, likes good beer and wants to get laid.
GUINNESS
The man is a rapist and will get laid one way or another.
WATER
He just threw up and is trying to wash the taste out of his mouth so that he can still get laid.
WINE
He's hoping that the wine thing will give him a sophisticated image and help him get laid.
VODKA OR BRANDY
Extremely horny hound, would shag a warm scarf. Desperate to get laid.
PORT
Thinks he's sophisticated, secretly likes men and wants to get laid.
WHISKY/JACK DANIELS
He doesn't give two $hits about anything and will hit anyone who will get in his way of getting laid.
JIM BEAM
Not as masculine as the whisky drinker, knows all about feminine activities (knitting, crochet etc.) to weasel himself into getting laid.
RUM OR TEQUILA
Likes fighting almost as much as getting laid.
ALCOPOPS - BACARDI BREEZER, SMIRNOFF ICE, ETC
He's gay (blatantly) - don't turn your back or pick up any dropped change.
--
couldn't agree more, with the bacardi breezer thing... i know a girl like that...
and to that girl, you know who you are ... 10x to the joke!
Little known facts about humans
It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.
One human hair can support 3 kg (6.6 lb).
The average man's penis is three times the length of his thumb.
Human thighbones are stronger than concrete..
A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.
There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.
Women blink twice as often as men.
The average person's skin weighs twice as much as the brain.
Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.
If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.
Women reading this will be finished now.
Men are still busy checking their thumbs!
One human hair can support 3 kg (6.6 lb).
The average man's penis is three times the length of his thumb.
Human thighbones are stronger than concrete..
A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.
There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.
Women blink twice as often as men.
The average person's skin weighs twice as much as the brain.
Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.
If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.
Women reading this will be finished now.
Men are still busy checking their thumbs!
And then the fight started
1. When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive.... So, I took her to a gas station.....
And then the fight started....
2. My wife and I are watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?" "No," she answered. I then said, "Is that your final answer?" She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes." So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And then the fight started....
3. After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, "Unbutton your shirt". So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me". And she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, "You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten Disability, too".
And then the fight started.....
4. Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."
My loving wife of 10 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"
And then the fight started ...
5. My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, "Do you know her?"
"Yes," I sighed, "She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" says my wife, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"
And then the fight started.....
6. I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get so stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!"
So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?"
And then the fight started.....
7. I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please." He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for herself."
And then the fight started.....
8. A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment."
The husband replies, "Your eyesight's darn near perfect."
And then the fight started.....
And then the fight started....
2. My wife and I are watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?" "No," she answered. I then said, "Is that your final answer?" She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes." So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And then the fight started....
3. After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, "Unbutton your shirt". So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me". And she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, "You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten Disability, too".
And then the fight started.....
4. Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."
My loving wife of 10 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"
And then the fight started ...
5. My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, "Do you know her?"
"Yes," I sighed, "She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" says my wife, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"
And then the fight started.....
6. I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get so stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!"
So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?"
And then the fight started.....
7. I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please." He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for herself."
And then the fight started.....
8. A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment."
The husband replies, "Your eyesight's darn near perfect."
And then the fight started.....
Sex Drive
There was this man that had been married for 10 years and was unable to provide his wife with an orgasm. He went to the doctor and explained the situation to him. The doctor prescribed a book on love making. So off he went to buy this book and try it out that night. The next day he went back to the doctor and said Look Doc, we read the book and tried all night, but still nothing.
The doctor then said I've heard about this secret method that is supposed to be a certainty.
You need to get a masseur to gently wave a towel over your wife as you're doing it.
The man thought that was a bit strange but he said he would give it a go.
He hired this big swedish masseur for the night.
As they were going for it the masseur waved the towel gently over her but nothing was happening. He hired the masseur for another night but this time he swapped places with the masseur. As his wife and the masseur were going for it, he gently waved the towel over his wife and she exploded with multiple orgasms.He leaned over to the masseur and said "Now thats how you wave the f...ing towel.
--
LMAO and falls off the chair... couldn't stop laughing !
The doctor then said I've heard about this secret method that is supposed to be a certainty.
You need to get a masseur to gently wave a towel over your wife as you're doing it.
The man thought that was a bit strange but he said he would give it a go.
He hired this big swedish masseur for the night.
As they were going for it the masseur waved the towel gently over her but nothing was happening. He hired the masseur for another night but this time he swapped places with the masseur. As his wife and the masseur were going for it, he gently waved the towel over his wife and she exploded with multiple orgasms.He leaned over to the masseur and said "Now thats how you wave the f...ing towel.
--
LMAO and falls off the chair... couldn't stop laughing !
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)