PEOPLE & THEIR DRINKS

PEOPLE & THEIR DRINKS (this is back from Dec/Nov 2008, lay in my archives of jokes)

A recent magazine survey, interviewed fifty bartenders and they were asked if they could identify a customer's personality on what drinks they ordered? Although interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts. The results:

IF WOMEN DRINK THESE DRINKS IN A PUB ... (NOT AT HOME)

BEER
Personality: Casual, low maintenance; down to earth.
Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.

COCKTAILS OR BLENDER DRINKS WITH UMBRELLA
Personality: Flaky, annoying, dizzy, and a pain in the ass.
Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabin boy.

MIXED DRINKS - NO UMBRELLAS [GIN AND TONIC / SCOTCH AND SODA]
Personality: Mature, has picky taste; knows what she wants.
Approach: If she wants you, she'll send YOU a drink.

WATER
Personality: Pretentious and is looking for a serious relationship.
Approach: Don't.

WINE - BOTTLED, NOT CASK
Personality: Conservative and classy, sophisticated.
Approach: Try and weave Paris and clothing into the conversation.

ALCOPOPS - BACARDI BREEZER, SMIRNOFF ICE, ETC
Personality: Easy; thinks she is trendy and sophisticated actually has no clue.
Approach: Make her feel smarter than she is... and you're in.

SPIRITS - CC, WILD TURKEY, SOUTHERN COMFORT
Personality: Watch out, they are unique! A real mixture of personalities. Love to be laid!
Approach: Talk dirty to them whilst challenging them intellectually – you're in.

CAPE VELVET
Personality: Annoying voice, bit of a tart.
Approach: Stand close and mention the alley next to the pub.

SHOTS & SLAMMERS - TEQUILA, VODKA, COWBOYS, AFTERSHOCK ETC.
Personality: Hangs around with male work pals or looking to get drunk.
Approach: Easiest hit in the pub, Nothing to do but wait...

SPIRITS - JACKS, BEAM & BUNDY
Personality: Enjoys male company more than females, loves to party hard.
Approach: Keep buying them drinks, they'll think you're a nice bloke and they are probably trying to work out how to get you to bed!

IF MEN DRINK in a PUB.. (As always, very simple and clear cut.)

CIDER
He's probably under-aged and wants to get laid.

CHEAP DOMESTIC BEER
He's poor / student and wants to get laid.

CASTLE LAGER BEER
He likes good beer and wants to get laid.

IMPORTED BEER
He's old, likes good beer and wants to get laid.

GUINNESS
The man is a rapist and will get laid one way or another.

WATER
He just threw up and is trying to wash the taste out of his mouth so that he can still get laid.

WINE
He's hoping that the wine thing will give him a sophisticated image and help him get laid.

VODKA OR BRANDY
Extremely horny hound, would shag a warm scarf. Desperate to get laid.

PORT
Thinks he's sophisticated, secretly likes men and wants to get laid.

WHISKY/JACK DANIELS
He doesn't give two $hits about anything and will hit anyone who will get in his way of getting laid.

JIM BEAM
Not as masculine as the whisky drinker, knows all about feminine activities (knitting, crochet etc.) to weasel himself into getting laid.

RUM OR TEQUILA
Likes fighting almost as much as getting laid.

ALCOPOPS - BACARDI BREEZER, SMIRNOFF ICE, ETC
He's gay (blatantly) - don't turn your back or pick up any dropped change.

--
couldn't agree more, with the bacardi breezer thing... i know a girl like that...

and to that girl, you know who you are ... 10x to the joke!